Private Book Blog and Thoughts This Week

I've decided finally to make this reading blog private in the future. I'd like my daughter (if she chooses to) and myself to have a space where I catalog what I'm reading and how I'm feeling about it.

This incessant need to turn every single thought and action into a productivity march is exhausting and I quit. I may even quit this blog. I am unsure. 

In the meantime, I've cleaned up my kindle and I am now keeping just a currently reading folder open and that has helped to organize my thoughts. My reading has slowed down tremendously and I really enjoy that. 

I've discovered Jill Mansell- who I am sure I read a million years ago, but I have a host of her books on hold at my library and I am excited beyond measure to get to them. I thought I might go out to the library later, but there is truly no need so I will stay in and read what I have in between some business.

This week and month are almost rounding down and I quite interested in the process of reading less and reading so much slower.

My current re-read of Anna Karenina is going so so so slowly and I just love it. I could honestly read this novel in a week or two, but my goal is about 3 months or a little less.

I love that.

The less BookTube I watch (or the more specific BookTubers I watch), the more my own reading tastes naturally come back.

I know the order of the world is all social internet connections, but I have to admit, it doesn't gel with me. I'm going to keep forging my own path- even if it leaves me on the edge alone.

Happy reading. 

I'm Not Forcing Myself Anymore

Force is a strong word, but I won't be trying to make myself read as many romance novels anymore.

I continue to struggle to finish them. 

I can read a 815 page classic with no problem, but a 215 page romance novel often leaves me bored.

THIS is NOT some crusade against romance novels. The world is ready to vilify any woman who doesn't stand on the mount of "Romances are Better Than Anything", but there has to be enough room for everything women like to read- and shocker that isn't JUST romance.

I enjoy the idea of romance novels. There was a time I could read like 4 back to to back. 

Those days are gone. 

I've always been a classics lover. Literary fiction is a close second, but the depressing theme and nature of most literary fiction (as if the only way to tell a beautifully written story is to lace it with tragedy) wears thin, and translated fiction comes in right at the same level.

But, there are times I want something light. Something that I can sit with at night and really enjoy.

I tried cozy mysteries. Over and over. Sometimes I land on a gem, but most times I care about the cozy and NOT the mystery. Well, some would say THAT is a romance novel... well, it isn't.

The cozy part of cozy mystery has our central female protagonist, but she is in a community and has other things going on (her bakery, candle shop, etc.) and the guy part is secondary.

It all leads me to this point:

When I was in college and a young mom shortly thereafter, I found solace between my graduate studies and a failing marriage in UK based chick lit. Before you send pitchforks for the term chick lit, that's how it was classified (and sometimes still is)- and I don't find any problem here.

The novels were SO far from anything that seemed realistic, that like a Harlequin Presents novel it felt hysterically unlikely for anything my life could imagine.

I began to escape into the Cotswolds or somewhere in England. The novels are women's fiction with a slight romance and very little steam. It's truly a story of the woman's journey, mixed with friends, families, etc.

There is usually a serious element found within (divorce, infertility, loss of a parent, etc.) and lots of other things that plague women. 

Sure you can go with the Shopaholics lighter side of things, or you can venture to other authors who provide a more robust view of women's experiences- although I ADORE the Shopaholic books.

I'm saying all this to say, after Nora Roberts scared the skin off of me, I realized that I can'r deny how my reading becomes influenced by BookTube, how I am NOT reading for a degree when I'm reading fiction, and I should only EVER read novels that I think will be 5 star ⭐️ books, or 5 star ⭐️ experiences.

I miss the lightness of having a coffee and being lost in a fun and breezy story.

My classics will remain. I will continue to read and re-read them for as long as I'm alive. Right now I"m on my umpteenth re-read of Anna Karenina (and I discover new things every time) and I added a cute Jill Mansell story late at night as I tried to scrub my brain free of the beginning of The Obsession. 

Do We Need to "Finish" Every Book?

Short answer: No

Long answer: No you do not. Only read what calls to your soul or entertains you greatly. 

The Benefits of Constantly Re-Reading The Same Novels

I know I know. It seems tedious, unnecessary and boring.

I assure you, it is not.

if anna were alive today...

Let me start by telling you which novels I constantly re-read:

1. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
2. Jane Eyre by Charolette Brontë
3. Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin
4. Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy
5. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
6. Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

Now that you can see what I always re-read, can you sense a theme? 

If you didn't notice it, the theme is: GREAT moving literature. Sweeping stories of love, loss, family, duty, morality, and so much more.

There are amazing books NOT on this list that I have re-read, but I am only mentioning those that I re-read frequently and often.

I simply cannot get enough of the novels above. I just keep squeezing, and squeezing the life out of these characters. I feel like I know (were they alive in real life) what each of them would do in certain situations.

They feel wholly real and authentic to me. Endlessly affecting. 

I've been known to

Ignore contemporarily published literature that bookish friends recommend, in order to curl up with Anna Karenina for the umpteenth time.

Have audio, physical, and ebook editions of my favorite novels to pull parts from at all times.

Let library books be due back before reading them in favor of picking up a frequent re-read

What pleasure do I derive from this behavior?

I get to meet old friends on the page. I get to hang out again with Levin. I get to go back with Kitty to the party where she prays that Vronsky will FINALLY ask for her hand in marriage.

I allow myself to be transported back to the dinner table with the Bennets as Mr. Collins compliments the "excellent boiled potatoes".

I get to gasp as Bathsheba Everdene does the wildly feminist thing of turning down Gabriel Oak at first take as she proclaims that she is her own person with her own wishes and being a wife isn't at the top of that list.

A challenge:

I dare you to ignore the "recently published" shelf in favor of a comforting re-read.

I dare you to curl up with a favorite book for a quiet afternoon and I dare you not to be moved by it.

I'll be over here doing my zillionth re-read of Anna Karenina after just finishing my millionth re-read of Jane Eyre.

Sure it's a new year and new shiny titles are the shelves. I read more than one book at a time, so I'll able to read new to me books (though rarely newly published books), AND stay in the company of my beloved classics.

Happy re-reading

Physical When Proven 5 Star ⭐️

my used bookshelf

I will not buy a physical book that I won't endlessly re-read.

I will not purchase a physical book that I do not consider a 5 star ⭐️ read.

I will not purchase a physical book that is not beautiful.

As a result

My physical books shelf has ONLY books I deem to be exceptional literature that has changed my life. It only contains books that I have read and re-read or will re-read in the near future.

I put up and thumb through the titles all the times.

There are a myriad of ways to keep and read books, this is just how I do it and I love it. 

Happy book collecting. ☕️

Slow Reading Check In

 I felt the creeping in of 2020-2022 habits. 

1. Hiding between the pages of books and avoiding what needs to be done
2. Using literature to procrastinate things that need to be done
3. Watching more BookTube than I feel is helpful 
4. Browsing sales pages on Kindle

simple living with coffee

After accessing this, I took a deep breath and put on an old classic audiobook by Count Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy.

It can be hard to figure out who you are as a reader if you brush through your literature without deeply digesting it. This is NOT the goal for many readers, but for me it is.

It's the reason that I struggle being a member of the bookish community. 

On the one hand

Publishers have a goal. Mainly ONE goal. To SELL books. Lots of books.

To this end, they will send promo copies, make influencer boxes, bombard you on social media with "up and coming novels", etc.

I'm not saying anything is inherently wrong with this. What I am saying is that they don't have my best interest at heart. They have their own interest first and foremost. 

On the other hand

We have lots of bookish community "influencers" (I get it, but I loathe that word) who want to remain relevant. They will "sell out" in order to keep those free books and book merchandise items coming.

They 5 star review books that once they would have considered 3 stars so as to remain on the press team for certain publishers.

And worse yet, NO ONE is calling any of this out (to my knowledge) and it's seen as just how the world goes round.

What I miss

I miss the old world where book shopping was really done based off of how you felt about books and you picked something up due to sheer interest. Not because the cover is as familiar to you as your driver's license photo because you've seen it on social media so many times... you MUST pick it up. 

I miss the time when people didn't quantify their reading and compare it. 

I miss when we valued libraries and librarians more.

To that end

I've taken a step back from watching BookTube. 

Last year I went so far as to delete my channel. I do regret doing it, but haven't been able to justify to myself starting it again.

I set a yearly reading goal, but only so that I can ensure I am reading LESS, not more.

In recent years I have read 200+ books each year, and I do NOT want to do this anymore. 

I've accepted

I have accepted that I like boring books.

I have accepted that I don't really mind re-reading the same books over and over (just like I did in childhood before people asked me to keep up with new releases).

I have to stop watching other people read books in order to read the books I have on my shelves.

Reading classic literature is never a waste of my time (even when I DNF or give up on an author like the racist Dickens), but MOST prize list, hyped, new release touted BS IS a true disappointment and waste of my reading time.

In order to fully recover my attention span, I will have to continue to work my mental muscles and read with nothing but ambience rooms on. 

Accept that reading and WANTING to HAVE read a book are NOT the same thing.

Accept that this quiet book blog will never be widely read because I won't do any of the things to make it "popular". 

Accept that prize list are not for me. They just aren't. I've enjoyed maybe 3 total books from prize lists and any group of people who can put A Little Life as a short listed contender is never a list I should follow or value. 

Take aways today

In order to keep my reading life authentically mine, I have to spend time at least once a week to deeply think about the works I engaged with that week. By spending time reflecting on my reading journey, I can iron out where I am wasting time, money and attention.

This is key and this is an invaluable practice that has helped me to decided to stop posting on Bookstagram. Stop following book lists. Read in peace and quiet and continue to browse my library.

Mid-Tuesday Reads

current reads shelf on goodreads

It's a dreary, cold, and damp Tuesday.

Just thinking about how much I love what I consider to be great literature.

I'm doing to do an audio + text combo of 

1. The Book of Longings
2. East Lynne

I really do enjoy doing that. It slows down my reading by adding about an extra half of time, but it feels immersive and cohesive.

The point of reading isn't to rush through books. It isn't to hurry and have a fully "completely read" list of novels. 

It's to enjoy the journey of reading.

It's important to remember that reading is meant to be a true joy. It isn't a job. It isn't a contest. 

My reading is an almost sacred experience. Literature has gotten me through so many of the truly difficult times of my life, and these current reads are no different.

I'll continue on with this great group of reads and loving my reading life. 

Sorrow and Bliss: A Review

I knew going into this novel that as someone who worked in mental health I would need to have an open mind while reading this, but I just could not abide this.

 1 ⭐️ 

Nothing in the summary told me this would be a dual timeline so I was already annoyed. I oftentimes find dual timelines a lazy way for an author to get the reader "caught up" without actually. having to do the work on the page in present tense (but I'm no novelist so take that comment with a grain of pink Himalayan salt). Nevertheless, this unidentified bomb going off in her brain was not explored in a way that I felt was helpful to those living with mental illness, nor those wanting to empathize with them.

True this is fiction (I am aware), but I read novels to increase my empathy, to learn a thing or two, and to grow as a human being. I stray away from fantasy novels simply because it's hard for me to enter the worlds and believe it. With this NON fantasy novel, I couldn't buy it. I just couldn't. Mental illness doesn't make you a bad person. Some of her behavior was inexcusable. Truthfully, if Meg Mason would have trusted herself enough to give Martha a true diagnosis, perhaps my review would be different.

I feel that if I want to empathize or understand mental illness more, I will seek out documentaries or nonfiction books to aid in that endeavor. I'll stay away from pseudo-intellectual meanderings about a dreary existence predicated by a semi dysfunctional childhood mixed with copious self-loathing. 

Ignore the hype and praise. Pass on this one folks.

Edited to add: A bookish friend whose opinion I admire has suggested I wait and give this one another try. Ugh.... I will try again in a few months. 

Only Dull People Are Brilliant at Breakfast (Penguin Little Black Classics) : A Review

I love having a few unread Penguin Little Black Classics unread on my Kindle. 

coffee, vegan cream, charged kindle

The description provided by Penguin of these is: 

One of 46 new books in the bestselling Little Black Classics series, to celebrate the first ever Penguin Classic in 1946. Each book gives readers a taste of the Classics' huge range and diversity, with works from around the world and across the centuries - including fables, decadence, heartbreak, tall tales, satire, ghosts, battles and elephants.

 

This little book by Oscar Wilde was a fun way to spend an hour or so. I was laughing so loudly and I have included just a few quotes that I loved. 

But what is the good of friendship if one cannot say exactly what one means? Anybody can say charming things and try to please and to flatter, but a true friend always says unpleasant things, and does not mind giving pain. Indeed, if he is a really true friend he prefers it, for he knows that then he is doing good.

The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated.

There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

I never put off till tomorrow what I can possibly do – the day after.

Married life is merely a habit, a bad habit.

I highly suggest you pick this one up and try the other Penguin Little Black Classics. They are tiny bitesized portions of classic literature.  

Slow Sunday: Coffee and Books

I've been talking to book friends lately about reading. The question was, "How do I read more?"

The answer is simple... find where there are time leaks and fill them with reading OR realize that you don't really LOVE to read that much.

It's pretty simple. Social media has fried most of our attention spans. You have to fight like hell to maintain you attention for what you say you value. 

Take a simple and slow Sunday or any day of the week that is slow for you, and dedicate to reading. 

I enjoy reading multiple books at a time. As much as I crave lighter reads, I always find my way back to literary fiction and classics. I love sinking my teeth down into a deep novel that gives me a lot to think about. 

Here are the novels I'll be reading between today with copious cups of coffee and comfy pajamas.  

Fresh coffee and simple living on the schedule for today. 

Happy reading. 

Murder at the Brightwell: A Review

Book 1

                                                     

Um... I know people have loved this, but I just can't with this novel.Made it to page 223 before the DNF goddess that I am just had to throw it aside.

This is meant to be historical, but VERY few details make the reader aware of that (the cover and chapter one saying 1932).

Misogyny. Infidelity. A wife who just "accepts" what her gorgeous husband does as he galavants all around the world cheating on her. Of course she just CAN'T help but let him into her bed eventually after he basically tells her to just give into it and "don't think". BARF.

This mystery began to piss me off and I honestly don't care who did it. I didn't even flip to the end to see who the murderer was. I own book 2 and will not be reading it because I am certain Milo is in it.

I gave it 2 stars and not 1 because for some time in the beginning, I enjoyed the story and had a laugh or two. 

Overall, I cannot recommend this.

Unconventional Reading Goals for 2023

tea and books

This year comes on the tail end of a stressful and manic year for me. Even if it hadn't, I can feel forces calling me to: Do less. Own less. Read less.

I don't see anything wrong with Goodreads goals, or goals in general, but I am seeking to continue to LIVE the great books this year. I want to sandwich my busy upcoming year between the chapters of great works of literature. 

Unconventional reading goals that I have for 2023

Read fewer books on purpose

I aim to digest all of the literature that I consume. I don't keep up with prize lists reading (though nothing is wrong with that), but there can be a FOMO to the book community. SO many seeming great books being published. SO many people discussing the same book, and you feel like you're on the outside.

Well, that's okay. I'll stand out here thank you very much. I"ll watch the vlogs of others who read through the list and I'll stick to my classics with sprinkles of romance or mystery thrown in for levity.

Take bookish readathons as suggestions, NOT mandates

This is pretty clear. I never have felt forced to participate in any readathon, but I have to say now that I've left BookTube and am just a viewer, I can see how many people tailor their reading around the month of the year.

"I'll save this for Victober." "This will be the perfect read for March Mystery Madness"

It goes back to the FOMO thing. I am going to embrace the joy of missing out on it honestly. 

I'll keep a digital notepad nearby as the TBRs roll in each month dedicated to the readathons, but don't expect readathon bingo boards over here. 

Non-negotiable nightly reading time

I know this seems simple, but so many people WANT to read, but can't carve the time out to do so. I will set some nightly time (TV off, YouTube blocked) to sink into my literature. 

Avoiding social media has been great for my attention span and personal development. I enjoy the ability to settle my brain waves down into a chunk of Anna Karenina. 

Read what I own

Stop feeling like I need to purchase ANY books unless I will be reading it IMMEDIATELY. Get rid of that "let me grab it" attitude, that I picked up from watching so much BookTube. 

If I own it, read it. If I don't own it and I want it, I need to download and read straight away.

Live the novels I read

Discuss them daily. Ponder them. Attempt to get inside the character's minds. LIVE the books out. Imagine what I would do if I were the character.

Remember MY book adage: 

If it isn't worth reading twice, it isn't worth reading once. 

And with that, I start off 2023 with re-reads of my favorite classics because I am not in a race to "out read" anyone. To "keep up" with anyone or to be "relevant" in any way. 

I'm using reading great literature as a way to increase my empathy and live a better life in a stressful world. 

Happy reading my slow living friends. 

Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy- A Glowing Review

It's very apt that this was my first fiction novel that I finished in 2023. I adore Thomas Hardy and honestly, his work had moved my heart and helped me to understand the constraints upon women in the Victorian era more than any other author.

Here's my succinct review of this unforgettable novel.

Book summary

When Tess Durbeyfield is driven by family poverty to claim kinship with the wealthy D'Urbervilles and seek a portion of their family fortune, meeting her 'cousin' Alec proves to be her downfall. A very different man, Angel Clare, seems to offer her love and salvation, but Tess must choose whether to reveal her past or remain silent in the hope of a peaceful future. With its sensitive depiction of the wronged Tess and powerful criticism of social convention, Tess of the D'Urbervilles is one of the most moving and poetic of Hardy's novels.

My review & thoughts...

No one writes like Hardy. 

This "ahead of his time" feminist, did due justice to helping us understand the impossibility of being a virtuous woman during Victorian times. Hardy story of Tess will break your heart, and immediately make you empathetic of any young woman of less than great means during that era.

What I love about the story, and what I love about Thomas Hardy, is, he doesn't stray away from the realities of the time. Unlike some of his contemporaries, Hardy spends a great deal of time walking you through the daily life of a young woman who has a pure heart, and pure love for her family, yet the constraints of the time that were literally forced upon her, make it completely impossible for her to ever have peace in her life.

Thomas Hardy is infinitely re-readable, and this is my second reread of this novel, but it will not be my last. If you have been sleeping on Thomas Hardy, or if you have been afraid of picking up Victorian literature, because you believe it will be bland, look no further. Thomas Hardy offers up a tragically. 

This unique story that will stay with you for a lifetime

This week January 9th: Audio, Library & Matcha

This week I have an easy go of things. WHAT a contrast from 2022. I'm feeling peaceful and settled this week.

Reading less. Reading more intentionally. Reading deeply. Reading whatever I want. Buying less books. Loving what I own. 

I'm gearing up to into the physical library for the first time in months. I don't enjoy reading physical books (lighting, eye sight), but I love the feel and look of them. ENTER the public library.

This week, I will be going in and looking around and brining a few home to look at and photograph :)

On audio this week

Reading this week on eBook

Coffee for Matcha (some days)

Anxiety has gotten the better of me; therefore, I've lessened my coffee and added back my beloved matcha. The result has been more restful sleep, less anxiety, and all around feelings of well-being. That's enough clinical evidence that it works. 

I'm off to list to Neville Jason (rest in peace dear soul) discuss Proust's life and work.

Happy reading.