poetry pause: bloodbirth :: audre lorde

My habit of reading a poem a day has been so emotionally transformative. 

stock photo: autumn leaves + bench

Bloodbirth

That which is inside of me screaming

beating about for exit or entry

names the wind, wanting winds' voice

wanting winds' power

it is not my heart

and I am trying to tell this 

without art or embellishment

with bits of me flying out in all directions

screams memories old pieces of flesh

struck off like dry bark

from a felled tree, bearing 

up or out

holding or bring forth

child or demon

is this birth or exorcism or

the beginning machinery of myself

outlining recalling

my father's business- what I must be

about- my own business

minding.

Shall I split

or be cut down

by a word's complexion or the lack of 

it

and from what direction will the opening be made

to show the true face of me

lying exposed and together 

my children your children their

children

bent on our conjugating business

-Audre Lorde

source: NYTimes

Born: February 18, 1934, Harlem, New York, NY

Died: November 17, 1992 (age 58 years), Saint Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands

Intersectional feminist, poet, scholar, professor, civil rights activist

augtober- judge if you must, ready for silence

 

don't mind if i do: early morning coffee + literature

Yes, I said Augtober. I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally.

The heaviness of the world lands on deep souls in a way that leaves a residue that literature helps to alleviate. 

I can admit that I chose books over people and while some call it a pathology, I don't care and I can't hear them between the pages of my novels anyway. 

Lately, I've been writing about what I read in my book journal. I love it. It's a simple set up. Nothing fancy, and nothing truly noteworthy. Just a simple black notebook with a photo of the Mona Lisa on the cover. I downloaded and printed that cover after reading ...

loved this

I still think about this biography from time to do. Anyway, I'm still very slowly making my way through The Letters of Gustave Flaubert. I love this collection, but I am so slowly going through, though I pick it up several times per week. It's something so easy to dip in and out of when I struggle with which of my 10 current reads to pick up.

I actually found autumn creamers in the grocery store yesterday. I was so shocked to see them, but I did buy one- nondairy (of course) maple brown sugar. 

The more cozy the better for me. My soul is desperate for silence and solitude and the older I become, the more I settle into this very natural way of being for me. 

Off to cull my reading list before the true Autumn spirit descends and I start rereading everything I love.

Happy reading ☕️ 

a summer of silence and reading

It's funny how easy it is for reading to take up all of your free time. 

I am always reading 6-10 books/novels/non-fictions at one time, so it's easy to be wrapped in reading without finishing anything. Finishing reading is never my goal.

To be reading the books is the goal for me. To be in the middle of the works is always the point for me.

It's why I read and re-read poetry over and over again. 

This summer's responsibilities have me wanting desperately to slow down. Like, live even slower than I do right now. 

Struggling with how much humanity and the people I know continue to be a constant source of disappointment. Alas, Marcus Aurelius tried to warn me- I work on heeding his advice about the disappointments that await us each day we wake up. I'm sure that seems pessimesstic, and I don't mean it to be, but thank God for literature. 

brookner and coffee 

I am loving Altered States by Anita Brookner. She continues to be one of my favorite novelists. She has a way of writing into the marrow of human psychology in a way that I rarely finds consistently with other authors. 

This book has encouraged me to start writing book reviews here on the site. I can't wait to finish this one to write all about it. I've prolonged finishing it because I am really loving living with this story. It's beautifully true of human nature- but, I'll stop writing here before the review is done!

homemade latte + morning reading

Early morning finds me between the pages of multiple books + doing morning pages + drinking several lattes. Of course I wanted the summer to be filled with finishing off a few novels, getting "things" done, etc, but instead, I rested more- slept more- exhaled deeper.

I have a stack of novels bedside that I'd love to work through this month. I may create a TBR in order to organize this sporadic & chaotic reading. I'd at least help me to curate a finishable list of books.

There are 3 weeks left in August and whether the temperature is 80 or 60 degrees, I consider September 1st as the ramp into Autumn and nothing can change my mind- therefore, I want to have a clean Autumn reading slate.

I'm extremely interested in reading my physical library though I always have multiple ebooks going between my old kindle and my new kobo- but I love seeing my physical TBR shrink a little. I have no intention of a book buying ban, but I am being intentional about every purchase which has made me "wait 72 hours" before purchasing new books which more often than not means I won't purchase it.

non-dairy creamsicle matcha + iced coffee

So as this silent summer starts to wrap up, I am intent on continuing to practice learning the two poems I've committed to learning this year, recreating a TBR to wrangle in my reading, reading in bubble baths, and writing poetry and short prose.

Wishing you a calm end to the summer season (yes I know it's early) and happy reading. ☕️ 

poety pause: Of Goodness :: mary oliver

 

© Rachel Giese Brown

Of Goodness

How good

that the clouds travel, as they do,

like the long dresses of the angels

of our imagination,

or gather in storm masses, then break

with their gifts of replenishment,

and how good

that the trees shelter the patient birds

in their thick leaves,

and how good that in the field

the next morning

red bird frolics again, his throat full of song,

and how good

that the dark ponds, refreshed,

are holding the white cups of the lilies

so that each is an eye that can look upward,

and how good that the little blue-winged teal

comes paddling among them, as cheerful as ever,

and so on, and so on.

-Mary Oliver

early june: books on books on books + coffee

a few from the current 10 reads

Coffee. Read. Write. Repeat.

Life has been bearing down on me and the current news cycle is enough to induce psychosis. You can find me for the next month hiding in between new and favorite old re-reads.

Television has been particularly uninteresting, and I'm just rewatching favorite shows when my brain can't take anymore information in.

Social media has felt like a site of dystopian reality as people seem to be going through life unscathed while I'm aware of so many who are struggling to exist- the juxtaposition is jarring- and unnerving. I'm doing all I can to keep my heart close to the source of truth (genocide, sadness, unjust policies affecting the lives of so many, etc.), and maintaining "balance" and sanity.

To that end... I have a stack of 10 current reads because any less and I feel bored and like something is missing (I can thank my overactive limbic system for this).

The coffee has been flowing. Perhaps a tad bit too much, perhaps I don't care. A new light roast has been my favorite with notes of strawberry and nutmeg. Poured over. Always black. Always first thing.

I am someone who has ignored the "don't drink coffee first thing and definitely not on an empty stomach". 

I happily sip my organic direct-trade bean juice within 15 minutes of daily consciousness without a morsel of vegan gluten-free food in sight. Alas, I'm surviving.

I won't let every single good thing be taken from me in this godforsaken life, but I digress.

What I'm reading is feeding a part of my soul- the tall order I ask of my literature- and I think I'll return to reviewing books here on this blog. I have so much to say about my current reads and I do write physical reviews for myself, but in hopes of inspiring someone to read these, I must share reviews here.

It's Saturday morning and I've had my coffee, journaled, read a poem (I read one poem per morning everyday), and am off to plan a quiet, literary day and choose a movie to watch tonight with my mom and daughter. 

Easy does it is today's motto. 

I hope you can find your way into a few chapters to escape the hell that is raining down globally or to merely find rest for your soul.

Chat soon ☕️ Happy reading. 

currently reading page

I added a current reads page to the banner of my site.

I don't always update what I'm reading here on the blog because I read so many books simultaneously and it can feel redundant to add the same photos, but this way I can just do it in one place.

Find it here: Currently Reading Page 

as shown on the site

I've been having a hard time, and haven't made much time for fiction reading. I realize that has aided in my overhwhelm.

Currently reading a few fiction books sprinkled in and my heart is already at ease.

One of my most anticipated reads of 2026 is on my list now and I am loving it. I adore In Search of Lost Time and this biography by Proust's housekeeper has allowed me to enter a world previously unknown to me. I just love it.

loveeeeeee this so far

I'm off to start a busy week and hope to get off on a good foot.

Wishing you a coffee-filled, slow-living sort of start to this Monday.

Happy reading ☕️ 

busy, rereading, making coffee, and poetry

Of course the compulsion to read lives in my bones, but with graduate school work (mid-life student), and all my caregiving duties, I find myself incapable to reaching for the 10 novels/books I am working on. 

Poetry always eases me back into the written work, and I sometimes read and re-read the same poem for 15 minutes deciding how it will land and live in me.

morning cup and reading

I don't spend too much time editing posts or editing my life. 

This is the reality.

Caregiving is hard. Going back to school again in mid-life is hard. America is hard to live in right now.

This combination makes me yearn for re-reads. Familiar stories. Books that I can pick up, or turn on audio and know that meeting these characters again soothes my heart.

I don't use Goodreads... or Storygraph.... I do feel quite isolated in my reading life and may return to BookTube to rectify that, but for now I let myself swim between the pages of books I adore and new stories that don't feel like a waste of my limited reading time. 

I do have a feeling I'll emerge from this intensely focused time in my life with a renewed sense on all things, but for now, my head is down...  I'm chipping away at small and large goals, and finding comfort in the chapters that have carried me before.

Books/Collections/Stories I return to over and over:

1. Giovanni's Room
2. Anna Karenina
3. Anything by Mary Oliver
4. Everything by Audre Lore
5. Pride and Prejudice
6. Jane Eyre
7. Anything Doestoevsky
8. Toni Morrison's Sula
9. BBC Radio Adaptations of my favorite classics

Now, let me go and make another light roast pour over, and get started on my school work.

If Spring is finding you floundering... ignore all of the pressure to perform and live through great works of literature. 

I'll meet you there.

Happy reading ☕️ 

poetry pause:: audre lorde: black unicorn

I love poetry and Audre Lorde will be my focus of the year. I read and reread this poem several times a week.

source: disability history snapshots

The Black Unicorn

The black unicorn is greedy.

The black unicorn is impatient.

The black unicorn was mistaken

for a shadow

or symbol

and taken

through a cold country

where mist painted mockeries

of my fury.

It is not on her lap where the horn rests

but deep in her moonpit

growing.

The black unicorn is restless

the black unicorn is unrelenting

the black unicorn is not

free. 

digital + physical copy of humiliated and insulted by dostoevsky : reason?: the pages fell out

both of my copies

um... brought the book into the sauna... the glue in the binding loosened and the pages fell out one by one like cut blades of grass.

Lesson learned: No books in the sauna unless they are NYRB. Those are indestructible. 



 

the days have been long, the nights longer: currently reading

 

paperbacks, journals, so milk, same ol oats

The older I get, the more I realize exactly how basic and boring I love my life to feel.

Long gone are the days of thrill seeking (okay I was actually never that person), but there is a steady hum under my life.

Caregiving humbles you in a way that nothing else can. I've been caring for my disabled daughter since birth, but adding an adult to care for to the mix has rocked me in ways incomprehensible.

Burnout is real. And, it extends to my reading life.

I've been indulging the re-reading bug that bit me as a young child, and making my super slow way through other works.

Returning to grad school put a pin in my "extra" reading time (if such a thing existed), and has me turning on the tv much more often than I used to. I am finding that the thought of reading even one more page of something has made me want to rip my hair out... hence tv shows. Nothing good, just veterinarian shows, documentaries about elderly shop owners in Tokyo, etc.

I have decided to return to my tiny corner of the internet and share my reading- even if only to have a diary of it for later reflection. 

Burnout is why I haven't posted here more. Just the thought of doing one more thing has sent me into a deep spiral of heaviness. I am sure this feeling will pass as spring enters the chat and makes way for the illusion of sunnier days internally.

This may sound morose, but honestly I am doing well. Accepting what I can't change, but giving myself space to feel exhausted by it all. Life. The state of America. The state of the world. 

I've never been a fan of change, and it just keeps coming near me- it's a work in progress.

and currently....

Currently, I am being turned inside out by Audre Lorde's Cancer Journals. Yikes... powerful punches in every entry. I expect nothing less from this legend, but geez I have to put it down so often just to let the words marinate through me.

Dostoevksy's Humiliated and Insulted is entertaining and a popcorn read. Ever the philosopher, I stop to see myself in the story and get lost in my thoughts.

Existential Monday is a thickly dense, dense, dense read. I am understanding about 55% it, but that hasn't stopped me yet. One more essay to go and I'll be done. 

Poetry has been a dear friend of mine this year.

I'm learning Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare and reading Mary Oliver and Audre Lorde daily. I'll post about those this week. 

This poetry project is really rewarding. They say poetry is the possibility of language, and I always feel poetry more than my intellectual mind comprehends it. There's magic in poetry and I intend to enter that magical world every day for the rest of my life. 

Hopefully 2026 has begun on a solid note for you, but, if like me you've had a rough go of it, pick up your favorite novel and go straight to your favorite parts. Remember that nothing is new under the sun, and live the great works. 

It will all be okay. And, if it won't... that's also okay.

Happy reading. ☕️