digital + physical copy of humiliated and insulted by dostoevsky : reason?: the pages fell out

both of my copies

um... brought the book into the sauna... the glue in the binding loosened and the pages fell out one by one like cut blades of grass.

Lesson learned: No books in the sauna unless they are NYRB. Those are indestructible. 



 

the days have been long, the nights longer: currently reading

 

paperbacks, journals, so milk, same ol oats

The older I get, the more I realize exactly how basic and boring I love my life to feel.

Long gone are the days of thrill seeking (okay I was actually never that person), but there is a steady hum under my life.

Caregiving humbles you in a way that nothing else can. I've been caring for my disabled daughter since birth, but adding an adult to care for to the mix has rocked me in ways incomprehensible.

Burnout is real. And, it extends to my reading life.

I've been indulging the re-reading bug that bit me as a young child, and making my super slow way through other works.

Returning to grad school put a pin in my "extra" reading time (if such a thing existed), and has me turning on the tv much more often than I used to. I am finding that the thought of reading even one more page of something has made me want to rip my hair out... hence tv shows. Nothing good, just veterinarian shows, documentaries about elderly shop owners in Tokyo, etc.

I have decided to return to my tiny corner of the internet and share my reading- even if only to have a diary of it for later reflection. 

Burnout is why I haven't posted here more. Just the thought of doing one more thing has sent me into a deep spiral of heaviness. I am sure this feeling will pass as spring enters the chat and makes way for the illusion of sunnier days internally.

This may sound morose, but honestly I am doing well. Accepting what I can't change, but giving myself space to feel exhausted by it all. Life. The state of America. The state of the world. 

I've never been a fan of change, and it just keeps coming near me- it's a work in progress.

and currently....

Currently, I am being turned inside out by Audre Lorde's Cancer Journals. Yikes... powerful punches in every entry. I expect nothing less from this legend, but geez I have to put it down so often just to let the words marinate through me.

Dostoevksy's Humiliated and Insulted is entertaining and a popcorn read. Ever the philosopher, I stop to see myself in the story and get lost in my thoughts.

Existential Monday is a thickly dense, dense, dense read. I am understanding about 55% it, but that hasn't stopped me yet. One more essay to go and I'll be done. 

Poetry has been a dear friend of mine this year.

I'm learning Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare and reading Mary Oliver and Audre Lorde daily. I'll post about those this week. 

This poetry project is really rewarding. They say poetry is the possibility of language, and I always feel poetry more than my intellectual mind comprehends it. There's magic in poetry and I intend to enter that magical world every day for the rest of my life. 

Hopefully 2026 has begun on a solid note for you, but, if like me you've had a rough go of it, pick up your favorite novel and go straight to your favorite parts. Remember that nothing is new under the sun, and live the great works. 

It will all be okay. And, if it won't... that's also okay.

Happy reading. ☕️ 

reading without full comprehension on a slow sunday

 

current table view

I’m doing a slow read of this book, and deeply working through the philosophical points that are made. I thought I’d throw up a quick post in case anybody else does the same thing…

I don’t always understand every single thing I read when I read it for the first time. That’s certainly true of this work.

It won’t stop me from continuing on. Some believe it’s a waste of time to read things that you don’t fully comprehend on the first pass-through. But, I disagree. Some of the beauty is in feeling my mind being stretched through the work as I make connections to other works that I’ve previously read. It sets me off down a rabbit hole, which can be quite fulfilling.

My cup run it over, and I’m busier than I ever care to admit… I’m not a person who glorify busy and I longer await the days when I have more time for deep rest and relaxation, however, I still don’t consider it a waste of time. I’ve enjoyed every second of it.

Off to get a few things done, but I hope you’re having a restful and calm Sunday   

Happy reading ☕️

poetry pause :: humility : mary oliver

 

stock photo: simon berger

Humility

Poems arrive ready to begin.
      Poets are only the transportation.

Mary Oliver

early morning table: writing and reading

my morning table

I have had a pretty rocky start to the new year, but it's just forced me to do more internal reflection. 

My daughter gave me some Mary Oliver poetry books for Christmas and I've really been enjoying starting my day with the poem. I have some literary goals for 2026 and by the end of the week I'll make a post about them. 

I've been so utterly exhausted that I've only been taking time to calm down my central nervous system, and read when I can. 

I started this year off with about seven current reads… I'm learning every year just how valuable I find this way of engaging with my books. If you've been here for a while, you know that I don't chart my reading, and any digital way. I'm never aware of how many books I've read in a month, or season, or a year. 

What's funny about that is I really enjoy watching people wrap up their books! Maybe I'll change and go back to counting some in the future, but for now, it feels really easy to just have as many books as I won't going at a time. 

I let the novels tell me what demands my attention. If my heart feels pull to a certain story, I'll stay with it for a while. 

Although I haven't been able to get much sleep, my morning, start very much like the photo above. The kitchen table with steaming, hot light, roast, coffee, my journals and agendas, and my common place notebook, a few e-readers… And a stack of books (not pictured).

I'm off to have a pretty intensive day of academic work, caregiving, cleaning, cooking and reading… I hope and pray that your new year is off to a great start and that you're able to find what touches your soul in the books that you read this year. 

If this next sentence resonates with you, I challenge you to accept it… Ignore everything you see on the Internet, including me. 

Read whatever calls see you.  

Happy frosty January reading, ☕️ 
 

happy 2026 and a note from rumi

my homemade vegan apple cheesecake

I know that at this time of year most bookish people consume loads of "favorites" list and "goals/plans" content.

I'll just say...

It doesn't matter what you read this year or didn't read... you did amazingly.

There's been a real call to arms to slow down and I don't know if it's performative or not, but my INJ soul has to live slowly lest I die. 

I'll post this week (starting tomorrow) all about books I loved this year, reading plans for next year, etc, but for now listen to the wise words of Rumi and let this help you as you plan 2026 if you choose.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there." - Rumi

 

It doesn't matter what you think is wrong or right about how you have read and lived this year. You're doing the best you can, and that's enough.

My recovery from burnout (still recovering) has truly shown me that slowing down is the best medicine for an overactive mind.

I hope to meet you in the field where whatever we read, and whatever we do, we're fine.

Happy reading and thank you for spending some of your finite time in my bookish world. ☕️

28: voltaire and complete quiet (researched voltaire- dnf)

 

my macmillian collector's library edition

update a day later: researched a bit about voltaire and found some heinous things! I will not finish candide and will toss this gorgeous copy. 

Source: Crush the Despicable! Voltaire’s Enlightened Racism

"Voltaire’s arguments sat at the extreme end of the spectrum of Enlightenment attitudes towards race."

The year is coming to a close and I can feel the weight of things undone... stories unfinished...

I realized that this weight comes from watching so many "best books of 2025" videos. I do love those honestly, but it's been a bit exhausting to consume so many in such a short amount of time.

I love every book that I am currently still in the middle of, I am grateful for every book I dnf'ed, I love it all.

It's all a part of a reading life, and yes I am adding new titles to my collection and to my reading list. I am not bogged down with bookish community conventions like "finishing all books by the end of the month", or "reading Goodreads reviews before picking up a book."

Nothing is wrong at all with either of those things, but I simply don't do them. I am content to live the great works and share about the books (yes), but more so the process of being a dedicated reader. 

As this year winds down and I start thinking about 2026, I have oh so many quiet plans that I intend to share in the coming days.

If you need a reminder here it is: quiet is where peace lives. Grab a book (or 6) of your choosing, settle down and let complete silence envelope you.

When you emerge from the pages of the book, reflect on how it felt to sit and be with one thing at a time. 

Happy reading ☕️ 

22: poetry pause : the new dawn's business :: thomas hardy

breakfast & poetry

The New Dawn's Business

What are you doing outside my walls,

O Dawn of another day?

I have not called you over the edge

Of the heathy ledge,

So why do you come this way,

With your furtive footstep without sound here,

And your face so deedily gray?

‘I show a light for killing the man

Who lives not far from you,

And for bringing to birth the lady’s child,

Nigh domiciled,

And for earthing a corpse or two,

And for several other such odd jobs round here

That Time to-day must do.

‘But you he leaves alone (although,

As you have often said,

You are always ready to pay the debt

You don’t forget

You owe for board and bed):

The truth is, when men willing are found here

He takes those loth instead.’

-Thomas Hardy 

21: hardy's winter words, late nights of reading, frozen toes

Thomas Hardy Winter Words on audio

Ahhh Thomas Hardy. He just never disappoints.

I haven't really listened to poetry on audio, but Hoopla recommended this collection to me, and I really loved it!

Hardy was such a talented writer and these poems that were published posthumously, are a true testament to his ability as a poet.

What I've realized while listening to this poetry collection while baking and cooking for the holidays, is that I may attempt to listen to more poetry.

I don't do well with audiobooks because I am such a visual person, but on 1.0-1.2x maximum, I do love listening to books I have already read. Now, I will expand that to poetry and nonfiction in 2026. 

I highly suggest if you've been looking to get into Victorian poetry, Hardy is a great entry point. See if your library has a copy and there's no harm in you checking out and giving it a try!

Happy Hardy Reading! ☕️ 

20: stack of hardbacks, tree lights, reading several books at a time

my book stack

I love a good stack of books. 

Something so wonderful to just look at them.

Truth is: I am a reader who can dip into and out of books over and over and keep going. I am capable of keeping the threads of the story together and I really love.

I do not enjoy finishing books that I love. As weird as that may seem, I love reading them, not finishing them.

That may be why I struggled a bit with being on BookTube (though in 2026 I am coming back ;-)

I have several bookshelves. They aren't huge ones and I am sure I could use one or two more, but they are filled with novels I have read or am very excited to read.

I am not a book collector. Sure, I have several editions of my favorite novels, but I generally keep books that I am desperate to read and then I pass them on in one way or another. 

Reading several books at a time allows me to keep pace with my internal heart that longs for great literature. I use books to help me live a fulfilled life and while I do demand a lot from the literature I read, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have zero judgment for anyone. It seems fashionable now to judge people for what they read, how much they do or don't read, and elitism runs deep within the book community.

I, on the other hand, can truly see the value in every reading style. For me? there is a certain complexity I demand from my literature and from the stories I consume. 

Every time I try to read more contemporary or lighter literature, I personally feel like I've eaten a lot of cake. It starts off great, but 1/2 way through I am sick to my stomach. I am longing for mashed potatoes and lentil stew. This was a horrendous analogy, but you get my point!

Now I'm off to organize these stacks of books and put together all of the books I bought myself this holiday season. 

Happy multi-book reading ☕️