busy, rereading, making coffee, and poetry

Of course the compulsion to read lives in my bones, but with graduate school work (mid-life student), and all my caregiving duties, I find myself incapable to reaching for the 10 novels/books I am working on. 

Poetry always eases me back into the written work, and I sometimes read and re-read the same poem for 15 minutes deciding how it will land and live in me.

morning cup and reading

I don't spend too much time editing posts or editing my life. 

This is the reality.

Caregiving is hard. Going back to school again in mid-life is hard. America is hard to live in right now.

This combination makes me yearn for re-reads. Familiar stories. Books that I can pick up, or turn on audio and know that meeting these characters again soothes my heart.

I don't use Goodreads... or Storygraph.... I do feel quite isolated in my reading life and may return to BookTube to rectify that, but for now I let myself swim between the pages of books I adore and new stories that don't feel like a waste of my limited reading time. 

I do have a feeling I'll emerge from this intensely focused time in my life with a renewed sense on all things, but for now, my head is down...  I'm chipping away at small and large goals, and finding comfort in the chapters that have carried me before.

Books/Collections/Stories I return to over and over:

1. Giovanni's Room
2. Anna Karenina
3. Anything by Mary Oliver
4. Everything by Audre Lore
5. Pride and Prejudice
6. Jane Eyre
7. Anything Doestoevsky
8. Toni Morrison's Sula
9. BBC Radio Adaptations of my favorite classics

Now, let me go and make another light roast pour over, and get started on my school work.

If Spring is finding you floundering... ignore all of the pressure to perform and live through great works of literature. 

I'll meet you there.

Happy reading ☕️ 

poetry pause:: audre lorde: black unicorn

I love poetry and Audre Lorde will be my focus of the year. I read and reread this poem several times a week.

source: disability history snapshots

The Black Unicorn

The black unicorn is greedy.

The black unicorn is impatient.

The black unicorn was mistaken

for a shadow

or symbol

and taken

through a cold country

where mist painted mockeries

of my fury.

It is not on her lap where the horn rests

but deep in her moonpit

growing.

The black unicorn is restless

the black unicorn is unrelenting

the black unicorn is not

free. 

digital + physical copy of humiliated and insulted by dostoevsky : reason?: the pages fell out

both of my copies

um... brought the book into the sauna... the glue in the binding loosened and the pages fell out one by one like cut blades of grass.

Lesson learned: No books in the sauna unless they are NYRB. Those are indestructible. 



 

the days have been long, the nights longer: currently reading

 

paperbacks, journals, so milk, same ol oats

The older I get, the more I realize exactly how basic and boring I love my life to feel.

Long gone are the days of thrill seeking (okay I was actually never that person), but there is a steady hum under my life.

Caregiving humbles you in a way that nothing else can. I've been caring for my disabled daughter since birth, but adding an adult to care for to the mix has rocked me in ways incomprehensible.

Burnout is real. And, it extends to my reading life.

I've been indulging the re-reading bug that bit me as a young child, and making my super slow way through other works.

Returning to grad school put a pin in my "extra" reading time (if such a thing existed), and has me turning on the tv much more often than I used to. I am finding that the thought of reading even one more page of something has made me want to rip my hair out... hence tv shows. Nothing good, just veterinarian shows, documentaries about elderly shop owners in Tokyo, etc.

I have decided to return to my tiny corner of the internet and share my reading- even if only to have a diary of it for later reflection. 

Burnout is why I haven't posted here more. Just the thought of doing one more thing has sent me into a deep spiral of heaviness. I am sure this feeling will pass as spring enters the chat and makes way for the illusion of sunnier days internally.

This may sound morose, but honestly I am doing well. Accepting what I can't change, but giving myself space to feel exhausted by it all. Life. The state of America. The state of the world. 

I've never been a fan of change, and it just keeps coming near me- it's a work in progress.

and currently....

Currently, I am being turned inside out by Audre Lorde's Cancer Journals. Yikes... powerful punches in every entry. I expect nothing less from this legend, but geez I have to put it down so often just to let the words marinate through me.

Dostoevksy's Humiliated and Insulted is entertaining and a popcorn read. Ever the philosopher, I stop to see myself in the story and get lost in my thoughts.

Existential Monday is a thickly dense, dense, dense read. I am understanding about 55% it, but that hasn't stopped me yet. One more essay to go and I'll be done. 

Poetry has been a dear friend of mine this year.

I'm learning Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare and reading Mary Oliver and Audre Lorde daily. I'll post about those this week. 

This poetry project is really rewarding. They say poetry is the possibility of language, and I always feel poetry more than my intellectual mind comprehends it. There's magic in poetry and I intend to enter that magical world every day for the rest of my life. 

Hopefully 2026 has begun on a solid note for you, but, if like me you've had a rough go of it, pick up your favorite novel and go straight to your favorite parts. Remember that nothing is new under the sun, and live the great works. 

It will all be okay. And, if it won't... that's also okay.

Happy reading. ☕️