the days have been long, the nights longer: currently reading

 

paperbacks, journals, so milk, same ol oats

The older I get, the more I realize exactly how basic and boring I love my life to feel.

Long gone are the days of thrill seeking (okay I was actually never that person), but there is a steady hum under my life.

Caregiving humbles you in a way that nothing else can. I've been caring for my disabled daughter since birth, but adding an adult to care for to the mix has rocked me in ways incomprehensible.

Burnout is real. And, it extends to my reading life.

I've been indulging the re-reading bug that bit me as a young child, and making my super slow way through other works.

Returning to grad school put a pin in my "extra" reading time (if such a thing existed), and has me turning on the tv much more often than I used to. I am finding that the thought of reading even one more page of something has made me want to rip my hair out... hence tv shows. Nothing good, just veterinarian shows, documentaries about elderly shop owners in Tokyo, etc.

I have decided to return to my tiny corner of the internet and share my reading- even if only to have a diary of it for later reflection. 

Burnout is why I haven't posted here more. Just the thought of doing one more thing has sent me into a deep spiral of heaviness. I am sure this feeling will pass as spring enters the chat and makes way for the illusion of sunnier days internally.

This may sound morose, but honestly I am doing well. Accepting what I can't change, but giving myself space to feel exhausted by it all. Life. The state of America. The state of the world. 

I've never been a fan of change, and it just keeps coming near me- it's a work in progress.

and currently....

Currently, I am being turned inside out by Audre Lorde's Cancer Journals. Yikes... powerful punches in every entry. I expect nothing less from this legend, but geez I have to put it down so often just to let the words marinate through me.

Dostoevksy's Humiliated and Insulted is entertaining and a popcorn read. Ever the philosopher, I stop to see myself in the story and get lost in my thoughts.

Existential Monday is a thickly dense, dense, dense read. I am understanding about 55% it, but that hasn't stopped me yet. One more essay to go and I'll be done. 

Poetry has been a dear friend of mine this year.

I'm learning Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare and reading Mary Oliver and Audre Lorde daily. I'll post about those this week. 

This poetry project is really rewarding. They say poetry is the possibility of language, and I always feel poetry more than my intellectual mind comprehends it. There's magic in poetry and I intend to enter that magical world every day for the rest of my life. 

Hopefully 2026 has begun on a solid note for you, but, if like me you've had a rough go of it, pick up your favorite novel and go straight to your favorite parts. Remember that nothing is new under the sun, and live the great works. 

It will all be okay. And, if it won't... that's also okay.

Happy reading. ☕️