altered states by anita brookner review + brookner reading oeuvre check in

Anita Brookner's novels really speak to a part of my soul that no other author (barring Baldwin, Petry, and Lispector) quite touch. She died in London in 2016 and her work will live on, though I believe that she is drastically under read.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with The New York Times who said:

Anita Brookner has staked out a distinctive territory...and made it clear that she is one of the finest novelists of her generation.

                 

Every part of my soul is open and alive when I read Brookner. She has this uncanny ability to write into the marrow of life and feeling. You have to read her to know what I mean.

This story deals with love. resignation, adultery, loss, pain, immense regret, heartache and shows what life can be look like from inside of different experiences of the same events. 

Told from inside the lens and life of our protagonist, we see how how mother/son bonds are formed and transition, how friendships are used as covering for seeking out one's own life's affairs, and what it look likes to stand at the crossroads of right/wrong and the consequences that bear on our souls when we choose to do what's in our personal interest.

She speaks directly into the very psychological nature of what it means to be alive and experience emotional changes over the course of a lifetime.  What a wonderful companion to read alongside Monsieur Proust by Céleste Albaret as I reflect on memory, the past, and a life to come. 

Here's a quote from the novel:

Perhaps I am well qualified for solitude. My discipline rarely lets me down, except perhaps when I am on holiday, as I am now, and find the days long. Even their numbing calm is acceptable; it corresponds to something settled in my nature.

Perhaps reading Brookner corresponds to something settled in my nature. 

I will continue on with my project of reading all of her novels. 

Here's my current checkin on novels I've read by Brookner so far (10 of 24 completed):

my reading list

My next Brookner read will be Family and Friends. :) 

Happy slow reading ☕️ 

monsieur prouse by céleste albaret book review

 

Céleste Albaret's favorite picture of Proust

This was one of my most anticipated reads for 2026. It took me 7 months to read and finish it. I took my time, went down different rabbit holes, reflected back through the 7 volumes of In Search of Lost Time. 

I re-read Swann's Way at least once every year- in part or in whole. There is something so meditative about Proust's work, and I wanted desperately to hear about his writing life, his mannerisms, his last days, and just his life.

I want to list some quotes here in an encouragement for you to get this biography. If you have been interested in Proust or in The Search, I highly suggest you start with Swann's Way. Here is the free link to Swann's Way on Project Gutenberg. 

I like to always be reading one of the volumes of The Search. It helps me to live with mindfulness on creating memories. That's the power of reading Proust. He helps you see that by witnessing his memories- and the way he remembered- you too can focus on how you lay down your memories. 

 Proust began a life of partial seclusion in which he shut himself up for the sake of his work- and I with him- and which nothing disturbed for the eight years until the end. 

He did sometimes feel a wish or even a need for a holiday, or a desire to see again a certain town, a landscape, a painting, a church- like Cabourg, when he'd talked about showing me the high tides in Brittany. But it was always:

"We'll go when I've finished my book, dear Céleste. Then you'll see how marvelous it is." 

 

so many tabs and much more underlining inside

This is a book that I will flip through every so often and feel the space that Proust created for living a life dedicated for a purpose. 

To finish his book- that was all that mattered now. And from autumn 1914 onward, his whole life was organized around that compulsion more than ever before. 

He severed most communications. Before the end of the year he decided to give up his telephone. He may have told people it was because he was in financial straits, as has been alleged. But that was only an excuse; he indulged in whatever other expense he fancied. In fact, he didn't want to be disturbed against his will any more. He made himself sole master of himself and any visitors and all his connections with other people. 

It was a completely upside-down life, even in the simplest things. For example, I couldn't clean the house or do his room unless he was out, and since when he did go out it was rarely before ten in the evening. I never did housework except at night, never opened the windows of the flat except onto darkness. 

loved these inserts

I loved so many parts of this biography. There are definitely moments when I felt like Céleste Albert's view of Proust (who was really quite particular) was skewed. Proust seemed a little demanding... unrelenting even, and she was moderately oblivious.

We lived by electric light or perpetual darkness.

Now I realize M. Proust's whole object, his whole great sacrifice for his work, was to set himself outside time in order to rediscover it.

When I look back on all these things now and see the clearer than I did at the time, I realie that two things emanated from him as a man and from his life: his taste for quality, for perfection in everything- a perfection that belonged to the past, and which showed his loyalty to shops and restaurants. This attachment to the past in his everyday life is all the more strange when you realize how far, in his books, he saw into the future- when you think of all he wrote about the dissolution of a certain kind of world and society.

 

tiny sample of how I lived and reflected on these pages

No, Céleste, you will live. And when I am dead, you will see. People will read me; yes, the whole world will read me. You will see my work grow in the public's esteem. And remember, Céleste, this article says it took a hundred years for Stendahl to become famous. It will take Marcel Proust less than fifty. 

Secretly I took refuge in the memory of the magic nights.

The picture I have of him in my heart is the most beautiful possible, and the loveliest of memories. He is as magnificent as he always was. A prince among men and a prince of souls.

In summary,

The reading of this biography took 8 months because I allowed myself to truly live within these pages. I thought through Céleste's reflections of Proust's life with the same level of detail that I'd like to apply to my own memories.

In the end that's what it is all about with Proust- remembering and thinking about how we remember. 

Reading this biography has transported me back to my reading of The Search. I have loved revisiting my notes from that time, and I can feel a re-read coming on.

Happy reading ☕️

my sister, the serial killer: a RAVING review

You know how sometimes all the stars align to create a perfect and magical reading experience and it changes you forever? That's what happened when reading My Sister, the Serial Killer by Nigerian-British novelist Oyinkan Braithwaite.

I did NOT have this planned. I owned this physical copy for about a year, and something made me go over to my shelves, and pick it up. I thought, "I'll make this coffee, and read a few pages and see how I feel."

A few chapters in, I stumbled from my reading chair to the couch, book in tow, and settled in with a few snacks vowing to read "just a few more pages."

Quickly I realized that I wouldn't be able to get up until every single word was digested into my soul.

Braithwaite's writing is succinct, punchy, and powerful. I struggle to review books that affect me deeply, but will do my best to do so here.

How stunning is she?!!?! I am fascinated by her storytelling ability, and her layered character development that sinks you down into the story and situates you RIGHT in the place and time of the events.

 

What this novel explores:

• familial relationships
• enmeshment
• duty
• being exploited
• anxiety
• sibling dynamics
• relationships
• romance
• turning gender norms upside down
• parental endorsement of behavior

As I typed that list, I still struggled not to add things because doing so would spoil the novel in my opinion, and I hate spoilers so I don't give them.

All I can say is if you've been thinking of reading this one, ignore the 3.67 star rating (I always find that the world's 3 stars are my 5 stars), and pick this up immediately. 

I have to try Braithwaite's short story Treasure now. 

Lolita by Valdamir Nabokov : A Review

Place holding a post to review Lolita. This was from August 29, 2023. I have yet to be capable of writing a review. 

I literally JUST finished it. My mouth is agape. My soul is burning. My heart aches.

This is my successful 4th attempt at this novel. The first three times I never made it past the 7th page. I am so happy that I endured this time.

I am going to read Nabokov's "On a Book Entitled Lolita", and I hope that within 2 days I can come and complete this review.

annotated Lolita with Nabakov's essay at the end

Incidents in the Rue Laugier by Anita Brookner: A Book Review

 

What can I say? No one writes into the marrow of relationships (familial and partnerships) in under 250 pages quite like Anita Brookner. She is so masterful at drilling into the experience of her characters, that she demands to be read slowly.

source: BBC

In Incidents in the Rue Laugier, Brookner describes so vividly and emotionally the story of what happens when a young, inexperienced woman goes into the world. Maud seeks independence from her stifling mother, while actually having no one to turn to for any guidance. This spells disaster as Tyler can sense her naiveté. As a man who preys on young women's inexperience, he says and does all the right things for Maud to become ensnared with him.

You can guess what all happens next. Interestingly, THIS isn't the part of the story that sent me reeling. It's Tyler's frenemy- Edward whose character depiction strikes me the most.

Edward is outwardly reliable, definitely not a rake, and seemingly compassionate. What Edward tasks himself with later is seen as less chivalrous, and more self-serving. His insistence on propriety at the expense of his own happiness becomes a weighted blanket in his relationship.

We then see an extreme role reversal. He begins to feel trapped. Maud begins to appreciate that continuity that a husband and her own life can bring- especially when juxtaposed with her life back home with her mother. 

This novel explores family, responsibility, connection, honesty, women's dependence, self-esteem, duty, grief, love, and acceptance in a way that only Anita Brookner can do. 

Brookner condenses stories down to their most important factors and allows the reader to enter safely into the deepest recesses of the hearts and minds of her characters. You can't help but see yourself in most of them, and walk about pondering how/what you would do in the situations she presents on the page.

I will continue to read all of her works. Now I will approach them in chronological order so that no stone remains unturned. 

Quotes from the novel:

But recently I have found myself repeating some of my mother's attitudes- reading, sighing, going to bed early- and I began to wish for clarification.

Like my father I found her apparent serenity irritating, yet I have reached the age when a woman begins to perceive that she is growing into the person whom she least plans to resemble: her mother.

Maud simply wanted to live in Paris, with or without a husband, preferably without. While careful not to let her thoughts show on her severe and slightly disdainful golden face, Maud had a secret desire to escape all forms of control. That was her abiding wish.

Loneliness, he felt, was sometimes the price one paid for integrity. 

Tyler had saddled himself with this girl, Maud, for no other reason that that he was used to being accompanied by a submissive female presence.

Please do yourself a favor if you haven't already and read Incidents in the Rue Laugier. 

The Bee Sting by Paul Murray : Book Review

my new hardback copy
consult trigger warnings for this read

Here's the shortest 5 star review: I bought a physical copy of this novel for my shelf!!! I own less than 30 books, so that tells you something.

I'll do my best to put my feelings about this novel into words. This is definitely a time when having a BookTube channel would be beneficial. I spoke my feelings about this novel out loud to my daughter as soon as I was finished reading it- I just HAD to say something immediately.

This intergenerational family saga captures ALL of what is universal to the human experience:

• longing
• love
• secrets
• infatuation
• desperation

The Bee Sting is so wonderfully done from the different POVs of the main characters within this family. Each family members is fully formed, deeply drawn, and their characters are well and truly fleshed out. I could see and feel into the soul's of each of these family members.

I loathe spoilers, so without any details let me say that I found myself crying during several points in this novel.

If anything this novel reads as a cautionary tale of what can happen when parents don't actually pay attention to their children's lives; what happens when women are in marriages without a deep sense of self; and what happens to unprotected children both emotionally and physically. 

Every time I consider that I should stop following book prizes and only read classics, a novel like this crosses my life and changes my mind completely. 

The Bee Sting is 656 pages of seriously well written, well developed characterization and story telling that will make you question so much about how you have experienced the world. 

This happened to me before with Claire Fuller's Unsettled Ground. This novel was shortlisted for the Women's Prize and it won the Costa Novel Award in 2021.

a favorite read of 2021

I feel like I need to sit with this novel for longer and then I will come back and give a more coherent review.

John Williams 1965 Novel Stoner: A Book Review

 

Stoner by John Williams was a surprising wind that blew in. What an intensely reflective novel.

I don't normally enjoy reading novels centered around the experience of male protagonists (for the most part), this deep look into the psyche and life of William Stoner.

This 1965 novel really does a great job of keeping you with William as he grapples with family verses focusing on his own passion. Later we see him grapple with his own family in a different way as he toys with the notions of duty and responsibility.

This novel has an academic lean to it, and places you right on the university campus and inside the lecture hall.

As someone who spent several years in academia, it was an apt description of the level of obsession and dedication that goes into studying. It was interesting for me to see from this angle how men move through the academic setting. The time period of the novel lends itself to the understanding that women had the job and role of homemaker and mother.

Witnessing Stoner's relationship with his wife Edith was quite painful to bear. From Edith's perspective, I totally got it. I love that John Williams made her life as a wife and mother so intolerable to Edith. It speaks to so many woman's dread and despair at having their only life choice be taking care of other people. A role which Edith rejects pretty forcefully from the start.

This novel will have you battling with concepts of identity, family, work, commitment, duty, loss, depression, and happiness.

Stoner goes on my list of top reads of the year.  I have to sit with this novel more, and I will add to this review). 

Pizza Girl a Book Review

Take this review with a grain of pink salt, because I'm starting to think this whole grouping of "sad, deeply reflective, navel-gazey with no purpose" sort of meandering female protagonist is written for other people than me, but nevertheless...

ANY novel that leaves me thinking, "What was the point?" is one that I just can't stand behind or ever recommend.

I'm ALL for unhinged women. I'm ALL for weirdly attached friendships. But, to WHAT end? For WHAT purpose?

And if you're thinking, "Well you DNFed it, you would have gotten the point if you finished it?" Um... nope. There has to be more holding the story together for me than just wondering if Jenny wants another gross pizza for her son.

I honestly feel like literary fiction is falling apart and every time I use my "deep" reading space for literary fiction, rather than classics, I'm disheartened mainly.

If you want a meandering protagonist try Kitchen or Convenience Store Woman. If you REALLY want an unhinged stalker type of female lead, try The Woman in the Purple Skirt.

Deeply Reading A Debut Novel (Update: DNF)

 

I am loving this novel right now
DNF'ed at 48% review added below

I remember why it's so important to read great literature. 

I am really loving Adelaide and it feels deeply uncomfortable to be inside of the protagonist's mind, but I love it.

It feels so real. So true to the young dating hetero female experience of some women.

I am reassessing reading lots of books at one time, and am instead cultivating a list of what I want to read by the end of the year. 

Things I am considering:

1. Reading less books at a time
2. Deleting Goodreads reviews
3. Using my space here to review books 
4. Slowing down my reading for the second half of the year
5. Giving up on reading romances that are recommended to me (those are most of my DNFs)

Off to drink coffee and read for the 30 minutes I have that are free. 

Update: Review after my DNF

It started off strongly to me, but quickly became "quirky relatable girl meets damaged guy" and it's ALL we really focus on.

Is she working on a dissertation? Yes. Are we more focused on how many times Rory has or hasn't called? Also yes. 

Take this with a pinch of pink salt because I DNFed at 42%, but I am only here for 5 star reads, and no no no no. 

This whole "meandering, desperate, emotionally tortured" girl literary fiction novels are always missing something. I love the concept of of giving voice to that young adult female experience (which can be painful to read), but we have to take more care with it. Give some substance to the wandering Give some guts to the journey... geez HAVE a journey.

Okay rant over. I'll watch out for this author in the future, but an auto-buy she is not.

Emma by Jane Austen My Spring Re-Read: Book Review

Always Austen all the time.

I can never re-read her enough.

💐 Springtime equals Emma by Jane Austen for me.

This early spring read of Emma was a true delight. I laughed over and over again. 
Yes Emma is easily unlikeable from page one chapter one, but though "handsome, clever, and rich"... we can instantly (most of us) realize that Emma's experiences will be FAR outside of ours. Emma has had "little to vex her".

Most of us have had real issues in life. Jane knows we won't truly relate.

This makes it easy to loathe Emma, but makes it all the more fantastic to see her character arc and development by the end of the novel. It surprises me every time.

If you've been sleeping on Emma because Pride and Prejudice gets all the hype (and rightfully so!), do yourself a favor this spring and read Emma.

Happy Austen reading 🍵 

The Dream of a Ridiculous Man by Fyodor Dostoevsky: Review

you can special his last name with or without the "y"

I loved this story. But then, Dostoevsky can do no wrong in my eyes so take it with a bucket of salt. 

Part philosophical work, part story, part dream... this story made me reflect on life, death, lost, longing, etc.

I don't want to say much here because mostly anything will spoil it.

I loved it.

Is this even a review? Maybe not. It's an entreaty to read all of Dostoevsky. 

Off to start The Idiot :)

Happy deep Dostoevsky reading. 

A Hard To Do Book Review: Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan

 

isn't this cover amazing

5 ⭐️ 

I'll do my best to review this novel, but it was so deeply moving that I'm lost for how to accurately review it. 

What a painful and beautiful reading experience.

It was at times claustrophobic to live inside of our protagonist's head, but I don't think Nolan could have accomplished the goal of making us understand her.

This visceral, gritty, emotional novel is at heart, the story of a lost young woman trying to find a comfortable place to land within herself.

We accompany her (and her inner monologues) on exploitative sexual escapades, obsessive romantic thoughts, and through repeated and completely self-destructive behaviors - until it hurts.

My heart was broken open over and over by this novel.

The best part is that on the surface, this is an easy DNF for me, but Nolan as such a melodic and raw way with words that this was a train wreck of a person and story that I could not look away from.

I will remember my 5 ⭐️ journey experience for years to come. I highly recommend.

P.S. If you hated A Little Life, don't let the few comparisons scare you off. That was torture with NO point (sorry if you don't agree, but I despised that book). This story has depth.

When Books Surprise, When Books Disappoint, When Books Drag

Can this title be longer?

Seriously though, Of my last bout of books I had a few surprises and a few dead ends. 

I used to do individual book reviews here on this blog, but I won't do that anymore. It will be easier for me to lump them in like a weekly reads video.

When Books Are a Slog

This book was fine enough. I did have a good time reading about the characters' lives, and I like the addition of family dynamics in any romance, but it didn't feel like a small town.

I am grossly upset when ANY heroine is SO unsure of herself and lacks confidence SO much that is 80% of her internal dialogue ("How could he EVER like me? I'm broken..., etc.")

It got old real quick for me. She was beautiful. Stunning. Smart and a great mother. It is (of course) understandable that after her divorce she would be a bit conscious of her steps when it came to love, but this was a bit lusty, he "wiped the tears from her eyes", kind of romance. She must have cried every time he said or did any nice this. I HATE my heroine being this weak. I hate it. 

All of that said, I still recommend it. Support BIPOC romance authors.

My gosh I wanted to like this so much.

It took me 10 days to read 30 pages. Um... it was time to reassess. If you've been here for any length of time, you know that I don't care about flying through books. I actually loathe that style of reading for myself.

I do not enjoy novels that don't know what they are. Like Clarice Lispector, you feel that something is brewing underneath the surface, but I couldn't access it at all.

It felt like a stretch and reach to add a depth that maybe wasn't there by using confusing, circular narrative style for the sake of being "experimental".

I wasted my money and all of my time. 

When Books Surprise

Cold as Snow by Jessica Enough

This book was fantastic. I can easily sum it up by saying it was a deep exploration of the mental inner workings of a daughter trying to figure her way out in the world with a mother that she can't quite understand, and she doesn't even understand why it's so important for her to come to an understanding.

Profoundly character driven, this novel explores the emotional landscape of our protagonist through an up close lens. As we go through the day with her and her mother, we can see just how their connection and relationship has shifted our protagonist's view of the world.

I loved this novel.

I'm so surprised by how much I enjoyed this 420 page novel. 

I can't remember how it came on my radar, but I'm so glad that it did. 

I'm not a big "twists and turns" kind of plot-driven reader, but there is something to be said for spending lots of hours with a page turning novel.

This novel explores the Incel movement through the eyes of several members, and our lead detective. 

There are several trigger/content warnings for SA, kidnapping, murder, child abuse, gunfire, prison, etc.

This is NOT something I'd normally read, or finish and it is a testament of Pascal Engman's storytelling and writing ability that I gave it 5 stars.

I have a few books going now and will report on them soon, as well as, make an entire blogpost to capture the copious amount of DNFs that I've had lately!

Happy reading. 

Sorrow and Bliss: A Review

I knew going into this novel that as someone who worked in mental health I would need to have an open mind while reading this, but I just could not abide this.

 1 ⭐️ 

Nothing in the summary told me this would be a dual timeline so I was already annoyed. I oftentimes find dual timelines a lazy way for an author to get the reader "caught up" without actually. having to do the work on the page in present tense (but I'm no novelist so take that comment with a grain of pink Himalayan salt). Nevertheless, this unidentified bomb going off in her brain was not explored in a way that I felt was helpful to those living with mental illness, nor those wanting to empathize with them.

True this is fiction (I am aware), but I read novels to increase my empathy, to learn a thing or two, and to grow as a human being. I stray away from fantasy novels simply because it's hard for me to enter the worlds and believe it. With this NON fantasy novel, I couldn't buy it. I just couldn't. Mental illness doesn't make you a bad person. Some of her behavior was inexcusable. Truthfully, if Meg Mason would have trusted herself enough to give Martha a true diagnosis, perhaps my review would be different.

I feel that if I want to empathize or understand mental illness more, I will seek out documentaries or nonfiction books to aid in that endeavor. I'll stay away from pseudo-intellectual meanderings about a dreary existence predicated by a semi dysfunctional childhood mixed with copious self-loathing. 

Ignore the hype and praise. Pass on this one folks.

Edited to add: A bookish friend whose opinion I admire has suggested I wait and give this one another try. Ugh.... I will try again in a few months. 

Only Dull People Are Brilliant at Breakfast (Penguin Little Black Classics) : A Review

I love having a few unread Penguin Little Black Classics unread on my Kindle. 

coffee, vegan cream, charged kindle

The description provided by Penguin of these is: 

One of 46 new books in the bestselling Little Black Classics series, to celebrate the first ever Penguin Classic in 1946. Each book gives readers a taste of the Classics' huge range and diversity, with works from around the world and across the centuries - including fables, decadence, heartbreak, tall tales, satire, ghosts, battles and elephants.

 

This little book by Oscar Wilde was a fun way to spend an hour or so. I was laughing so loudly and I have included just a few quotes that I loved. 

But what is the good of friendship if one cannot say exactly what one means? Anybody can say charming things and try to please and to flatter, but a true friend always says unpleasant things, and does not mind giving pain. Indeed, if he is a really true friend he prefers it, for he knows that then he is doing good.

The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated.

There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

I never put off till tomorrow what I can possibly do – the day after.

Married life is merely a habit, a bad habit.

I highly suggest you pick this one up and try the other Penguin Little Black Classics. They are tiny bitesized portions of classic literature.  

Murder at the Brightwell: A Review

Book 1

                                                     

Um... I know people have loved this, but I just can't with this novel.Made it to page 223 before the DNF goddess that I am just had to throw it aside.

This is meant to be historical, but VERY few details make the reader aware of that (the cover and chapter one saying 1932).

Misogyny. Infidelity. A wife who just "accepts" what her gorgeous husband does as he galavants all around the world cheating on her. Of course she just CAN'T help but let him into her bed eventually after he basically tells her to just give into it and "don't think". BARF.

This mystery began to piss me off and I honestly don't care who did it. I didn't even flip to the end to see who the murderer was. I own book 2 and will not be reading it because I am certain Milo is in it.

I gave it 2 stars and not 1 because for some time in the beginning, I enjoyed the story and had a laugh or two. 

Overall, I cannot recommend this.

Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy- A Glowing Review

It's very apt that this was my first fiction novel that I finished in 2023. I adore Thomas Hardy and honestly, his work had moved my heart and helped me to understand the constraints upon women in the Victorian era more than any other author.

Here's my succinct review of this unforgettable novel.

Book summary

When Tess Durbeyfield is driven by family poverty to claim kinship with the wealthy D'Urbervilles and seek a portion of their family fortune, meeting her 'cousin' Alec proves to be her downfall. A very different man, Angel Clare, seems to offer her love and salvation, but Tess must choose whether to reveal her past or remain silent in the hope of a peaceful future. With its sensitive depiction of the wronged Tess and powerful criticism of social convention, Tess of the D'Urbervilles is one of the most moving and poetic of Hardy's novels.

My review & thoughts...

No one writes like Hardy. 

This "ahead of his time" feminist, did due justice to helping us understand the impossibility of being a virtuous woman during Victorian times. Hardy story of Tess will break your heart, and immediately make you empathetic of any young woman of less than great means during that era.

What I love about the story, and what I love about Thomas Hardy, is, he doesn't stray away from the realities of the time. Unlike some of his contemporaries, Hardy spends a great deal of time walking you through the daily life of a young woman who has a pure heart, and pure love for her family, yet the constraints of the time that were literally forced upon her, make it completely impossible for her to ever have peace in her life.

Thomas Hardy is infinitely re-readable, and this is my second reread of this novel, but it will not be my last. If you have been sleeping on Thomas Hardy, or if you have been afraid of picking up Victorian literature, because you believe it will be bland, look no further. Thomas Hardy offers up a tragically. 

This unique story that will stay with you for a lifetime

Day 9: Comfort Me With Apples by Catherynne M. Valente : Book Review

 

Goodreads book description:

Sophia was made for him. Her perfect husband. She can feel it in her bones. He is perfect. Their home together in Arcadia Gardens is perfect. Everything is perfect.

It's just that he's away so much. So often. He works so hard. She misses him. And he misses her. He says he does, so it must be true. He is the perfect husband and everything is perfect.

But sometimes Sophia wonders about things. Strange things. Dark things. The look on her husband's face when he comes back from a long business trip. The questions he will not answer. The locked basement she is never allowed to enter. And whenever she asks the neighbors, they can't quite meet her gaze...

But everything is perfect. Isn't it?

My feelings + review:

Where do I even begin? I absolutely LOVED this stunning little novel. I honestly didn't want to put it down.

I'm not even sure how to describe it, but it's part fantasy, part retelling, part mythical-ish with a contemporary feel.

See? I can't describe it at all, but the journey this novel took me on was feminist, poignant and so so so so so accurate to old established world order of what it meant/means to be a woman, a wife, a neighbor, a "friend". 

You will find yourself shaking your head with how much of Sophia sentiments you agree with. It's astounding- though not surprising.

I thought about this novel all night after I read it and added another novel of hers (she writes a lot of Children's literature so I steered clear of it) to my TBR.

I've added Deathless to my 2023 reading list and it is listed as historical fantasy and I've found that I get on well with that genre most times. Natasha Pulley's novels helped me to cross over.

Happy expanded reading my slow living friends. 

A la recherche du temps perdu: Wrapping Up My Reading of Proust

It has taken me over a month and a half to try to wrap up this novel. I am forever changed after reading In Search of Lost Time. 

I now understand what people who have finished mean when they say you have to read and finish it to "get it". And now I do.

Memory. Flashbacks. Pulling to the front of the mind what has lain dormant for decades. The power in this process. ALL of this and so much more is explored in this fantastic work of Marcel Proust.

I didn't expect to cry while reading the last 10 pages. Maybe the tears were because I could feel myself about to summit this masterpiece, or because of the tenderly beautiful things Proust urged me to think about regarding time and how we try to capture it, and if it's even possible to capture it or not.

Wow. Volume VII is a real treat. All of the treads of this work began to come together and it was so nice to revisit most all of the central characters, and see how they've changed (some into ugly old hags- I paraphrase- according to Proust). 

"Is there still time?" (p. 446)

How I remember. How I process my life are forever affected. After closing my kindle after the last words, "in- Time". I cried a river of tears and felt so accomplished.

THIS is the feeling that reading great literature gives you; part accomplishment + part sublime. 

I now stand n awe os what Marcel Proust managed to accomplish with this work and within his life considering his health ailments.

I find myself evermore mindful of drinking my hot coffee in the morning. Perhaps one day when I'm much older my involuntary memory will bring me back to a perfect cup I've made and unlock a hidden world of secret memories for me. 

Volume VII

Proust has encouraged me (not for publication), but for my daughter to start writing a novel of sorts for her where I take time to call to mind every memory from as far back as my mind goes. 

Something from Proust's work has lodged itself forever inside of my bones and as much as I was thinking during Volumes III and IV (and I loved both volumes), "My gosh this is long", I'm almost ready to start reading it again.

I've reread the last 5 pages over and over as I let this novel slowly settle into my bones. I'm finding more and more to love about it.

I thought of including a plethora of quotes, but decided to end with this quote and on this note: If you've even thought about reading Proust, pick him up. Start with Swann's Way. Ignore whatever you've heard (that hasn't been positive), and go into the novel with an open mind and heart. 

Moreover, that we occupy place, always growing, in Time is something everybody is conscious of in this universality can only make me rejoice, it being the truth, the truth suspected by each of us, that I add to seek to elucidate not only does everybody feel that we occupy a place in Time, but the simplest of us measures this place approximately, as he would measure the one we occupy in space. 

I am so happy that I committed ten and half months to the daily reading of Proust. I'm not one of the people who would ever tell someone "how to read Proust". 

Pick up Swann's Way and read it however your soul calls. Proust will dictate the manner in which you can consume his work.

Trust me... you'll never be the same if you commit to finishing it- either in a year or 10.

Happy Proustian reading. 

I Remain in Darkness by Annie Ernaux: A Review

 

Annie Ernaux:
WINNER OF THE 2022 NOBEL PRIZE IN LITERATURE

My thoughts on I Remain in Darkness

I am going to struggle with review, but honestly I am just trying to convince people to pick this one up.

This is such an emotional memoir of someone watching their mom slowly dying. It's painful. It's raw. It's real.

It reminded me of Proust in the sense that it almost compels you to focus on how you remember things. 

Ernaux shares these snapshots in the daily life of her mom as her mothers suffers and slowly approaches death. She expresses her frustrations, her sadness, her deepest feelings about her mother and their relationship.  

I read this memoir at a time when I am the sole caregiver for my mother who is battling advanced cancer. It was brutal. 

This short book took me hours upon hours to read. I bawled crying through 85%  of it. 

These seeming simple observations were a poignant look at the many emotions that we can face as we stare mortality in the eyes. 

We go on the journey of a hurt daughter caring for her increasingly dependent mother and what that does to someone psychologically.

After her other dies, the grief is palpable on the page. It is honestly so hard to read. It broke my heart open.

If you are in a safe enough place to read this emotionally, I highly suggest you pick this book up.