22: poetry pause : the new dawn's business :: thomas hardy

breakfast & poetry

The New Dawn's Business

What are you doing outside my walls,

O Dawn of another day?

I have not called you over the edge

Of the heathy ledge,

So why do you come this way,

With your furtive footstep without sound here,

And your face so deedily gray?

‘I show a light for killing the man

Who lives not far from you,

And for bringing to birth the lady’s child,

Nigh domiciled,

And for earthing a corpse or two,

And for several other such odd jobs round here

That Time to-day must do.

‘But you he leaves alone (although,

As you have often said,

You are always ready to pay the debt

You don’t forget

You owe for board and bed):

The truth is, when men willing are found here

He takes those loth instead.’

-Thomas Hardy 

21: hardy's winter words, late nights of reading, frozen toes

Thomas Hardy Winter Words on audio

Ahhh Thomas Hardy. He just never disappoints.

I haven't really listened to poetry on audio, but Hoopla recommended this collection to me, and I really loved it!

Hardy was such a talented writer and these poems that were published posthumously, are a true testament to his ability as a poet.

What I've realized while listening to this poetry collection while baking and cooking for the holidays, is that I may attempt to listen to more poetry.

I don't do well with audiobooks because I am such a visual person, but on 1.0-1.2x maximum, I do love listening to books I have already read. Now, I will expand that to poetry and nonfiction in 2026. 

I highly suggest if you've been looking to get into Victorian poetry, Hardy is a great entry point. See if your library has a copy and there's no harm in you checking out and giving it a try!

Happy Hardy Reading! ☕️ 

20: stack of hardbacks, tree lights, reading several books at a time

my book stack

I love a good stack of books. 

Something so wonderful to just look at them.

Truth is: I am a reader who can dip into and out of books over and over and keep going. I am capable of keeping the threads of the story together and I really love.

I do not enjoy finishing books that I love. As weird as that may seem, I love reading them, not finishing them.

That may be why I struggled a bit with being on BookTube (though in 2026 I am coming back ;-)

I have several bookshelves. They aren't huge ones and I am sure I could use one or two more, but they are filled with novels I have read or am very excited to read.

I am not a book collector. Sure, I have several editions of my favorite novels, but I generally keep books that I am desperate to read and then I pass them on in one way or another. 

Reading several books at a time allows me to keep pace with my internal heart that longs for great literature. I use books to help me live a fulfilled life and while I do demand a lot from the literature I read, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have zero judgment for anyone. It seems fashionable now to judge people for what they read, how much they do or don't read, and elitism runs deep within the book community.

I, on the other hand, can truly see the value in every reading style. For me? there is a certain complexity I demand from my literature and from the stories I consume. 

Every time I try to read more contemporary or lighter literature, I personally feel like I've eaten a lot of cake. It starts off great, but 1/2 way through I am sick to my stomach. I am longing for mashed potatoes and lentil stew. This was a horrendous analogy, but you get my point!

Now I'm off to organize these stacks of books and put together all of the books I bought myself this holiday season. 

Happy multi-book reading ☕️ 
 

17: the ritual of coffee and reading

my morning pour over with an angel company

I love coffee. 

That's not a revelation, but I really do. 

In the morning (particularly these freezing, dark mornings of winter), I find myself waking with the ritual already set in my hands. I move methodologically towards the kitchen.

I grab the glass jar that houses my freshly ground light roast, set the kettle to boil, and the ritual begins.

I listen to philosophy or classical music, or my own thoughts as my central nervous system prepares itself for the day.

The older I get, the more people tell me how bad coffee is for you. I don't completely disagree with the science on it, but I won't let it go.

Is this an addiction? Me and coffee? 

Perhaps, but I love it. 

Everything I love about my morning coffee

1. The stillness of it
2. The ordinary magic
3. The 10-15 minute process of grinding, brewing, sipping
4. The quiet time I make for myself to do it

We know that books and coffee go together like beans and rice. Even if you aren't a coffee lover, you can at least hopefully see the appeal of it. 

What I feel when reading and drinking coffee

The truth is that my life is and has been very heavy.

When I sit with a coffee and a book, something in my soul really remembers how to slow down. Much more so than with any other activity. 

I'm of now to enjoy my freshly brewed light roast + soy milk café au lait.

Wishing you a coffee-filled, novel heavy day of peace.

Happy reading ☕️ 

11: pedro páramo : juan rulfo:

the paper in this edition is top notch. under my green light

Never have I ever struggled to understand a story, but love every word -- since Clarice Lispector. 

This novel took me two weeks to get through, because like Proust you have to slowly digest it. Actually, it's unlike Proust in the sense that Proust mandates you stop and pause, and leaves you with meandering feelings of loss and longing.

Clarice Lispector is an author who gives you these really undigestible bites of story that you feel before you understand. It's soooo amazing to experience.

Here are a few quotes from this incredible story...

But he shouldn't have told me that. Life beats you down all on its own. The only thing that keeps a person going is he hope you'll end up someplace different after you die, but when one door slams in your face and the only other one takes you straight to Hell, it would've been better never to have been born... For me, Juan Preciado, Heaven is right here where I am now.

I've broken free of its obsessive need for remorse. It turned bitter what little food I was able to eat, and it made my nights unbearable by filling them with terrifying visions of the damned and that sort of thing. When I sat down to die, it begged me to get back up to keep dragging out my life, as if it still hoped for some miracle that might cleanse my sins. 

She died full of sorrow. And sorrow ... You once told us something about sorrow that I. no longer remember. It was that type of sorrow that took her life. She died all twisted up, choking on her own blood. I can still see the expression on her face, one of the most miserable faces a human being has ever made.

 

Juan Rulfo- Source: The Nation

Author Info

Juan Nepomuceno Carlos Pérez Rulfo Vizcaíno, best known as Juan Rulfo, was a Mexican writer, screenwriter, and photographer.

Born: May 16, 1917, Apulco, Mexico

Died: January 7, 1986 (age 68 years), Mexico City, Mexico

10: poetry: shakespeare :: that time of year thou mayst in me behold :: pause

I am always looking for small, easily digestible ways to engage with Shakepeare's work. One of my favorite ways is to watch his plays done by theater company that have been uploaded to YouTube, listening to audio dramas, and reading and re-reading his sonnets.

I love this sonnet for the end of the year.  

stockphoto 

Sonnet 73: That time of year thou mayst in me behold

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire,
Consum'd with that which it was nourish'd by.
This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

-William Shakespeare

07: authors i'm always reading :: currently forever reading list

That wasn't a typo. There are authors whose work I never want to be without. 

I have multiple copies, editions, and formats of their novels. This isn't due to a "collector's mindset", but rather I enjoy filling their works in my "free" time. 

Let me explain...

I am a caregiver and am always honestly more busy than I like to admit. I am not one of those people who values being busy or loves saying, "Oh I just have so much to do".  I am embracing this season of life and what it demands of me. With that said, I keep kindles in my caregiving medical bag, in my purse and on on my phone.

I don't purchase from Amazon anymore, but I did not get rid of my kindles. I bought a kobo, but it mainly stays at home. Until I get a case, it will live on my bedside table.

There are authors whose works I read and re-read from start to finish over and over, and those same authors have works that I just open and read a few chapters from while waiting for appointment times or to fill anxious space.

I never tire of these authors, or of these works and this isn't about collecting a total number of books read or re-read; it's only about living inside of these novels and being shaped by them.

my planner and favorite candle

Authors and Novels I Never Tire of...

I wanted to post a ton of photos, but I will make a list and keep it simple (with a few photos :)

1. Fyodor Dostoevsky
1. The Brothers K
2. The Idiot
2. James Baldwin
1. Giovanni's Room
3. Jane Austen
1. Persuasion
2. Pride and Prejudice
4. Clarice Lispector
1. Near to the Wild Heart
2. The Apprenticeship
5. Leo Tolstoy
1. Anna K- always
6. The Brontës
1. Jane Eyre
2. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall
3. Wuthering Heights
4. Agnes Grey (not a typo)
7. Anita Brookner
1. Every single novel
8. Thomas Hardy 
1. Far From the Madding Crowd
2. Two on a Tower
9. Vladimir Nabokov
1. Lolita

Of course there are others, but these novels I return to over and over and over again. I don't ever want to be done reading these. I want to always be reading these. 

Happy re-reading ☕️ 

06: poetry pause : the peace of wild things :: wendell berry

This poem speaks to deeply to what this time of year stirs up in my heart and soul. I read and re-read it constantly. 

stockphoto sourced online

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

-Wendell Berry

05: literal mess: gustave flaubert and louise colet letter august 18, 1846 typed out

Love a good messy literary situation.

Enter Gustave Flaubert and Louise Colet and their 8 year relationship -although she was married to Hippolyte Colet. It ended badly, but I am loving reading through these letters Flaubert wrote to her.

As a consciously single woman, I enjoy reading about these classic trysts. There is something so intimate about these letters from days gone by. Writing was THE mode of deep communication, and housed in these letters is every emotion- and I just love it.

There were better letters for me to choose from, but I hardly wanted to type pages and pages. 

flaubert and santa

TO LOUISE COLET

                                                                                                  Tuesday morning [August 18, 1846]

Here I am on my feet, thanks to my stubbornness. By following my own instinct, I read it myself in 2 days of what would have lasted a week. And that against everybody's opinion. Only scars are left.

I'll arrive at your house tomorrow between half-past four and five. I am counting on it. It is sure unless the devil himself takes a hand in it this time. He is taking a hand and so many of my affairs that he might well metal in this one. So: until tomorrow. Shall we go and take Phidias out for dinner? What's your feeling? Think it over carefully before hand. Ah-- in 30 hours I'll be setting out! Pass swiftly, Today! Pass swiftly, Long Night!

It is raining now: the sky is gray. But I have the sun in my soul. Adieu-  I'd love to fill these 4 little pages, but the postman will be arriving soon, so I'll quickly close this and seal it.

A thousand loves.

The real ones tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be touching you. Sometimes I'd think it's a dream I have read about somewhere, and that you don't really exist.

04: swann’s way called and I answered, snow shoveling and christmas tea

I read all 7 volumes of In Search of Lost Time (À la recherche du temps perdu) in 2022. It was a very intense year for me. Something deeply tragic happened, and for some reason I felt called to the work.

No one recommended it. I hadn't seen any videos where people talked about it. It just called me.

It happened again. 

I made a plan to re-read volume on "The Way By Swann's" in 2026, but I couldn't wait and I started it already. I am not a fan of the deckled edges on the Penguin Deluxe Classics, and am waiting (2-3 more weeks of waiting) for a different edition of the Lydia Davis translation to arrive. I will just manage somehow with these cringey deckled edges.

swann and my tree

Christmas Tea of Choice This Season

Tea// White Christmas 

Shoveling snow and remembering my memories (yes that sounds weird)

A mountain of snow fell and while it was gorgeous to look at with my morning coffee, I knew that if I shoveled my truck before the snow removal team came by, it would make for a better driveway situation for me. Hence... snow shoveling for 48 straight minutes.

I started Proust and have been (as I did on my first reading) thinking about memories. Days gone by. Past experiences shoveling snow.

It feels so melodic to review my life in this way.

I am always so surprised by what comes to mind when I am super mindful in the present moment. I think about how the memory is laying down in my brain...  my ability to recall it.

For a long time, I went to bed early. Sometimes, my candle scarcely out, my eyes would close so quickly that I did not have time to say to myself: "I'm falling asleep."

 

swann's way under the tree

I am not sure if I will stop at volume 1 or if I will carry on. For now, the goal is to just read this volume deeply and allow whatever needs to be remembered to come to me in a dream like state- similar to how Proust wrote this novel.

If you've been shy about picking it up, I highly suggest you do do. No pressure. No worries. 

Happy reading ☕️ 

03: re-reading lolita by vladimir naboknov

lolita and my santa

This novel is a masterpiece. 

This biggest emotional takeaway during this re-read is that reading it partially alongside Crime and Punishment has been quite the experience. Both of these novels put me inside the head of sick men. I don’t often like to spend time in this space, but much like watching cult documentaries, I am fascinated.

What I love about Humbert Humbert is his insistence on his insanity. If readers spend time realizing how much Nabokov wants you to know that Humbert is insane and sick, the glorification of this story wouldn’t be as possible. 

Lolita demands something of me as a reader and the pact that I’ve made to trust Nabokov to bring this story to a conclusion that won’t make me aggressively mad, is sacrosanct. 

I don’t agree with Independent that, “There’s no funnier monster in literature than poor, doomed Humbert Humbert”.  I don’t feel sorry for him, but I do pity him deeply. He is a pathetic, miserable man and the amount of time I roll my eyes when listening to his thoughts is worthy of a Guinness award.

-The writing is stunning-

Unlike My Dark Vanessa, which was told from inside a female mind, Lolita keeps up inside every thought of Humbert Humbert as he tells his story to the jury. 

In chapter one, on page one… Nabokov lets you see… lets you know … he gets caught. THIS allows me as a reader to endure this story. 

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.  

I love it. This is an infinitely re-readable novel. It’s on my forever shelf.

02: cold decorations, coffee with thick soy milk, crime and punishment (the re-read) and book plans

The cold slammed into me as I stepped outside today. I could feel snow behind the winds that blew. 

Time to hunker down. 

Settle in. 

Slow down. 

Eliminate.

2025 is coming to a frozen close as the last month of the year has been ushered in. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Raskolnikov in Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. 

This re-read is the ever-present reminder that the best time I spend with books, I spend with second, third, or tenth readings. 

I've been making my early morning pour overs with extra creamy soy milk and cinnamon with a sprinkle of nutmeg. It's felt decadent and very soothing. 

my book... my tree

Back when I used Bookstagram I wrote, “If it isn’t worth reading twice, it isn’t worth reading once ™️”. I still stand behind that.

-Curating a stack of books to read in 2026-

I decide what to read based off of how I am feeling, but I prefer to have a stack of books to pull from. I’ve spent a lot of time pulling titles from my shelves, and ordering a few books (never from Amazon) to pull from next year. 

new reads and some re-read plans

I’ll report what I’ve decided in a separate post and page in the banner here, but it’s been nice to really reflect on that. 

If I am not careful, I’ll spend the entire year re-reading. :)

using reading to calm my anxious mind: america you disappointment

There aren't enough words to describe how heartbroken I am with what is happening in the United States right now.  Anxiety has had me watching TV shows (I don't even like television), eating snacks (I am not normally a snack eater), and staying up late (and normally I love my sleep).

I love reading and I have to use this wellness practice to get me through the tough times that America is facing and will surely face in the future. 

Sitting in my reading chair and making a cup of tea has been a nightly meditation for me. It is a form of active resistance that allows me to calmly approach the end of my day. I won't give my every waking thought to doomscrolling, news, media information that just reminds me of how far the entire world has to go in making equitable change for all. enough of that...

an ambience room I love

How I'm anticipating reading being a saving grace

1. Setting an alarm to stop working/cleaning/cooking/caregiving as I can for the day and making a cup of tea.
2. Preparing a stack of books and e-readers to go through
3. Sitting for no less than an hour or two in that position and read
4. Book journal and record my thoughts from what I'm reading
5. Read what my heart calls for even if it is another year of re-reading

busy nightstand

Teas that I love at nighttime 

1. Chamomile
2. Peppermint
3. Lavender
4. Cinnamon
5. Ginger

a novel im considering purchasing

Books I'm considering purchasing

1. Wintering by Katherine May (link to description at author's website)
2. Bodyminds Reimagined: (Dis)ability, Race, and Gender in Black Women's Speculative Fiction by Samantha Dawn Schalk (link to description at Duke University Press)

im excited to get this one
i love sami schalk

I am going to go into February with a new clear mind. I'm focused on prioritizing my well-being and mental health. That includes lots of reading and focus on slowing down.

Sending warmth and healing energy to all who need it.

Happy peaceful reading ☕️ 

favorite read of january

 

I absolutely loved these stories. I felt Not only is this a beautiful book and edition, I found myself stopping to just stare at the wall as I read through the stories. 

I wasn't a huge fan of The Premonition- because I am never a fan of reading about adult/child relationships (be forewarned), but I can't deny that her writing is phenomenal. 

As I read through the stories, I was reminded of how the most simple stories of lived experiences become so deeply emotional when described in a deep way. 

"I felt that I was being handed the perspective that had been borne of his experience". (p. 98)

Yoshimoto has a way of writing that speaks to something intangible, but it shows us how we are capable of truly feeling our way into our stories. Her writing makes me want to write. They make me want to consider how I remember. It reminds me of how inspired I was when I finished all 7 volumes of Proust's The Search. I wanted to pay more attention to my life in order to remember it better.

my book journal

Banana Yoshimoto remains one of my favorite authors, and this set of stories is described perfectly by Brandon Taylor as, "Strange. Melancholy and Beautiful".

Happy reading. ☕️ 

2025 author focus: clarice lispector

 

photographer: Paulo Gurgel Valente

Reasons I chose Clarice Lispector for 2025

I've written about how 2025 has to be a reading of deep, intense literature because I've returned to graduate school. I'm the sole caregiver for my family members and I need literature to help me heal. Clarice Lispector is an author that wrote from the marrow of her bones. There are sentences that I have had to read 5 times in order to process and understand and inhabit. Either you love her or hate her. I love love her. 

I didn't get on with her short stories very much, but it was because the collection was of seemingly ordinary stories without the witchcraft storytelling that she normally writes with. It felt like the stories of the upper class having ordinary experiences, and I loathe that lens. 

I am hopeful that my focus on Lispector this year will not disappoint and will open up a new world for me inside of Brazilian literature.

beginnings of my author focus page in my simple book journal

Author summary from Goodreads:

Clarice Lispector was a Brazilian writer. Acclaimed internationally for her innovative novels and short stories, she was also a journalist. Born to a Jewish family in Podolia in Western Ukraine, she was brought to Brazil as an infant, amidst the disasters engulfing her native land following the First World War.

She grew up in northeastern Brazil, where her mother died when she was nine. The family moved to Rio de Janeiro when she was in her teens. While in law school in Rio she began publishing her first journalistic work and short stories, catapulting to fame at age 23 with the publication of her first novel, 'Near to the Wild Heart' (Perto do Coração Selvagem), written as an interior monologue in a style and language that was considered revolutionary in Brazil.

She left Brazil in 1944, following her marriage to a Brazilian diplomat, and spent the next decade and a half in Europe and the United States. Upon return to Rio de Janeiro in 1959, she began producing her most famous works, including the stories of Family Ties (Laços de Família), the great mystic novel The Passion According to G.H. (A Paixão Segundo G.H.), and the novel many consider to be her masterpiece, Água Viva. Injured in an accident in 1966, she spent the last decade of her life in frequent pain, steadily writing and publishing novels and stories until her premature death in 1977.

She has been the subject of numerous books and references to her, and her works are common in Brazilian literature and music. Several of her works have been turned into films, one being 'Hour of the Star' and she was the subject of a recent biography, Why This World, by Benjamin Moser.

Novels

I hope that if you have time for an author focus this year that you chose someone who calls to your heart. I find it to be so immersive, and don't forget... if you start with one author and the project isn't providing what you are seeking... just pic a new author focus. 

No rules. All freedom. Read what calls you to it.

Happy reading ☕️