04: swann’s way called and I answered, snow shoveling and christmas tea

I read all 7 volumes of In Search of Lost Time (À la recherche du temps perdu) in 2022. It was a very intense year for me. Something deeply tragic happened, and for some reason I felt called to the work.

No one recommended it. I hadn't seen any videos where people talked about it. It just called me.

It happened again. 

I made a plan to re-read volume on "The Way By Swann's" in 2026, but I couldn't wait and I started it already. I am not a fan of the deckled edges on the Penguin Deluxe Classics, and am waiting (2-3 more weeks of waiting) for a different edition of the Lydia Davis translation to arrive. I will just manage somehow with these cringey deckled edges.

swann and my tree

Christmas Tea of Choice This Season

Tea// White Christmas 

Shoveling snow and remembering my memories (yes that sounds weird)

A mountain of snow fell and while it was gorgeous to look at with my morning coffee, I knew that if I shoveled my truck before the snow removal team came by, it would make for a better driveway situation for me. Hence... snow shoveling for 48 straight minutes.

I started Proust and have been (as I did on my first reading) thinking about memories. Days gone by. Past experiences shoveling snow.

It feels so melodic to review my life in this way.

I am always so surprised by what comes to mind when I am super mindful in the present moment. I think about how the memory is laying down in my brain...  my ability to recall it.

For a long time, I went to bed early. Sometimes, my candle scarcely out, my eyes would close so quickly that I did not have time to say to myself: "I'm falling asleep."

 

swann's way under the tree

I am not sure if I will stop at volume 1 or if I will carry on. For now, the goal is to just read this volume deeply and allow whatever needs to be remembered to come to me in a dream like state- similar to how Proust wrote this novel.

If you've been shy about picking it up, I highly suggest you do do. No pressure. No worries. 

Happy reading ☕️ 

getting the proustian itch again- reading the best of literature

Busy days mean I am only reading the best of what literature has to offer. I don't have a lot of time to "test out" new narratives and decide if it works for me. That's why watching bookish content online is so fun- THEY can read it for me, and I can experience the novel that way.

For me, it's been a slow reread of Emma, a deep journey through Romantic Outlaws, several nonfiction books, Nabakov's letters to his wife, Game of Thrones (first time), and a myriad of other things.

coffee + cake= love

Long gone are the days of seeing how many novels I can finish (residue from my time on BookTube), and I've said hello again to the deep, slow, immersive reading style that I've always loved.

Some judge me for always seeking out 5 star reads or 5 star experiences, but this is my reading life. And the key word is life. I don't get the breaths I take back, and I won't get the time I spend on books back either. 

There is nothing wrong with reading ANYthing that your heart desires, but for me I use literature to maintain my sanity through the tough times of my life, for transformation, and for a clue into the universal experiences of humankind. It's a tall order, but there are several novelists who absolutely hit the mark, so why not read and reread them???

My days are long, and my nights are sleepless. I've been getting the itch to begin all 7 volumes of In Search of Lost Time again. GASP. I read it in 2022. It could maybe do with some more air in between readings, but the heart wants what it wants!

always coffee

I'm thinking that if the itch doesn't go away I'll start Swann's Way and allow myself to read one volume every 6 months or so. This way it's a few years worth of reading projects, and I can slowly languish over his memories while creating my own. 

I love this edition. Gorgeous.

Either way, I'm grateful for the reprieve that literature offers me from how hard things can be sometimes. I am also grateful to read that these struggles of the human experience have been documented for hundreds of years. It's why I have always and will always love the novel form. 

A la recherche du temps perdu: Wrapping Up My Reading of Proust

It has taken me over a month and a half to try to wrap up this novel. I am forever changed after reading In Search of Lost Time. 

I now understand what people who have finished mean when they say you have to read and finish it to "get it". And now I do.

Memory. Flashbacks. Pulling to the front of the mind what has lain dormant for decades. The power in this process. ALL of this and so much more is explored in this fantastic work of Marcel Proust.

I didn't expect to cry while reading the last 10 pages. Maybe the tears were because I could feel myself about to summit this masterpiece, or because of the tenderly beautiful things Proust urged me to think about regarding time and how we try to capture it, and if it's even possible to capture it or not.

Wow. Volume VII is a real treat. All of the treads of this work began to come together and it was so nice to revisit most all of the central characters, and see how they've changed (some into ugly old hags- I paraphrase- according to Proust). 

"Is there still time?" (p. 446)

How I remember. How I process my life are forever affected. After closing my kindle after the last words, "in- Time". I cried a river of tears and felt so accomplished.

THIS is the feeling that reading great literature gives you; part accomplishment + part sublime. 

I now stand n awe os what Marcel Proust managed to accomplish with this work and within his life considering his health ailments.

I find myself evermore mindful of drinking my hot coffee in the morning. Perhaps one day when I'm much older my involuntary memory will bring me back to a perfect cup I've made and unlock a hidden world of secret memories for me. 

Volume VII

Proust has encouraged me (not for publication), but for my daughter to start writing a novel of sorts for her where I take time to call to mind every memory from as far back as my mind goes. 

Something from Proust's work has lodged itself forever inside of my bones and as much as I was thinking during Volumes III and IV (and I loved both volumes), "My gosh this is long", I'm almost ready to start reading it again.

I've reread the last 5 pages over and over as I let this novel slowly settle into my bones. I'm finding more and more to love about it.

I thought of including a plethora of quotes, but decided to end with this quote and on this note: If you've even thought about reading Proust, pick him up. Start with Swann's Way. Ignore whatever you've heard (that hasn't been positive), and go into the novel with an open mind and heart. 

Moreover, that we occupy place, always growing, in Time is something everybody is conscious of in this universality can only make me rejoice, it being the truth, the truth suspected by each of us, that I add to seek to elucidate not only does everybody feel that we occupy a place in Time, but the simplest of us measures this place approximately, as he would measure the one we occupy in space. 

I am so happy that I committed ten and half months to the daily reading of Proust. I'm not one of the people who would ever tell someone "how to read Proust". 

Pick up Swann's Way and read it however your soul calls. Proust will dictate the manner in which you can consume his work.

Trust me... you'll never be the same if you commit to finishing it- either in a year or 10.

Happy Proustian reading. 

I Have Finished In Search of Lost Time... Now What?

It will take me even MORE time to formulate my opinions on In Search of Lost Time. 

I finished the novel two weeks ago, and have yet to wrap it up. How do I even do that?

For now, I can say that I am forever changed and ALL the hype about the work and the experience of reading it are true. So true. However, you must be at a point in life (regardless of age) to appreciate it.

I will work this weekend to wrap it up and discuss all of my thoughts on the 10.5 months I spent immersed in Proust's world.

Until I report back, happy reading

The Fury that Proust Provokes: The Fugitive: Volume VI of In Search of Lost Time

I don't even know what to say at this point.

This isn't a book review as much as it is an emotional check in

The more I read of this novel, the better I understand every little strand and string and realize that it's quite genius what Proust has done.

The absolute fury that is running through me right now though is another story.

THIS guy...THIS friggin guy... and we end volume VI with Gilberte's admission? Like... what? (You had to be there and I'd rather drink a cup of cut glass than spoil a novel for you, so you gotta read it to get it).

Walks to remember. Inspired by Proust

Proust's words wind up jumping into my memory. Reading him is a slow savoring process, and now I find myself turning the pages like a kid eating Halloween candy. Then, I go back and reread what I just made it through and it sinks in...

He is a jealous, neurotic, obsessive, manipulative self-centered asshole. Ahhh... That was cathartic.

Just when I thought there would be some pain for our narrator to experience and rightfully so... Proust does THIS to me? What? Why why oh why! And the revelations that this volume produces is better than watching Maury Povich tell someone, "You are not the father". 

Anyone who convinces you there is no drama to be found in the classics hasn't read Hardy or Proust or Austen.

I am so beyond excited to be moving on to Time Regained. I won't regain any of my time this year that I spent reading this work, and I'm glad that it took as long as it did.

I will let the pain and anguish from the twist in The Fugitive settle into me, and go straight into the next volume. I know that I'm baking myself a pie to celebrate finishing this novel.

Onwards and upwards my slow reading friends. 

Do I Even Like Marcel Anymore: The Captive Volume V: In Search of Lost Time- Proust

We've established that no one reads my blog here- and that's more than okay, but I'll write into the void because my soul compels me to.

I'd like to think I combine the great works of literature, with the desire for light reading entertainment. 

Hence the coupling of Marcel Proust with cozy mysteries and romances to cleanse they palette.

I'm working my way through Marcel Prousts' In Search of Lost Time. I'm reading the Moncrieff, Kilmartin, Enright translation on ebook with audio as a "word for word" combo. As close to word for word as you can get. Neville Jason is not reading my translation. This allows me to stop often and reread a passage. 

I digress... This damn book... So, in this volume I found myself aggressively upset at our narrator. Let's call things what they are.. I was mad at Marcel. Frustrated. Annoyed. If this was Proust's mission- accomplished my boy.

This cover in no way matches the others in this kindle edition.
This makes me violently upset.

I am so happy to be making my way through this novel. 

I will NOT lie. I have no reason to. This novel IS beautiful. It IS reflective. It DOES change you.

However, it IS long. It IS tedious. It DOES induce claustrophobia at some points. 

I've found one of two camps with Proust. Either he's a genius and if you don't love every 400 word sentence, you don't get it. Or, he's boring and his rich boy problems go on for thousands of pages because he's a narcissist. 

I don't fall into either camp, but I'll reserve all final thoughts for when I close the kindle after completing volume VII: Time Regained.

I've laughed when others have said that Proust wrote this long novel so that the reader would look back "in search of lost time"-- get it? Like they lost all their time reading it (maybe you had to be there), but my emotions have been on a roller coaster.

I can say definitively after 5 volumes, this is kind of a work of genius. Also, a work of frustration. Also, it's too damn long. Also, it feels like every frigging thought in his head (and it might have been).

Okay give me a second. This post is starting to sound like the rampant ramblings of a crazy woman. I don't mean for this to be the case, but when you emerge from Proust's family apartment in Paris, it takes time to get your bearings.

I probably should let this volume digest before trying to articulate any sort of feeling about it, but I HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE. I need Proust reading friends. (Goals for 2023).

I digress again.. can I even get back on track at this point? Okay, let's try...

In this volume: The Captive- it is exactly what you think. Someone is being held captive. It's dear Albertine.

What strikes me the most about this volume is the thought of exactly how voluntary is this captivity? After Marcel asks for her hand in marriage (a totally bullshit attempt at keeping her IMHO), we see him "asking" her to move in with him. 

Let me just make bullet points at this point, because I can feel myself beginning to become enraged. This volume deals with:

• Jealousy- and lots of it
• Mansplaining- and lots of it
• Deception
• Dysfunctional ideas of love
• Manipulation- an lots of it
• Lies
• The concept of lying
• Exactly WHAT do we owe our potential partners when we first meet them of our stories
• Duplicity
• And so so much more

Have no fear, I'll end off this post with some quotes (because you have to see some of this to believe it), but Marcel basically convincing Albertine that he loves her and cares for her, but we are readers are inside of his fucked up, selfish brain and he always just seeking to manipulate her based on however he is feeling IN that moment.

His incessant need to believe that she is utterly devoted to him is egregious and honestly made me want to throw the book across the room. He is so unbelievably (but honestly it is very believable) thinking that she is in love with every single girl in her life. He imagines that she has this highly sexual sapphic past (and present) that she keeps hidden from him, and he uses these insane thoughts to justify his ill treatment of her. Barf. 1000 times barf. This friggin guy is a mess.

I can't wait to see what the last two volumes hold. Honestly, I am waiting with breath that is baited. I will give myself another 24 hours before picking up The Fugitive (yep you can infer from the title what comes next) and then go straight into Time Regained. 

I will make a long-winded Proust post when I am completely done with this book. I have so many things to say. 

Happy reading. 

Now that Albertine no longer appeared to be angry with me, the possession of her no longer seemed to me a treasure in exchange for which one is prepared to sacrifice every other.

Now that life with Albertine had become possible once again, I felt that I could derive nothing from it but misery, since she did not love me; better to part from her in the gentle solace of her acquiescence, which I would prolong in memory.

Not only did she take care never to be alone for a moment, so that I could not help but know what she had been doing if I did not believe her own statements, but even when she had to telephone to Andrée, or to the garage, or to the livery stable or elsewhere, she pretended that it was too boring to stand about by herself waiting to telephone, 

“Why do I go on seeking after a mysterious soul, interpreting a face, and feeling myself surrounded by presentiments which I dare not explore?” I asked myself. “I’ve been dreaming, the matter is quite simple. I am an indecisive young man, and it is a case of one of those marriages as to which it takes time to find out whether they will happen or not. There is nothing in this peculiar to Albertine.”

Proust, Marcel. In Search of Lost Time, Volume 5: The Captive

Proust Reading Update: Sodom and Gomorrah Volume IV

 

I closed the cover of my kindle after Volume IV ended and said, "Well, damn that was long".  Proust knows how to end a volume that's for sure.

Halfway through, I did have a moment of questioning myself. I thought, "I could read so many other enjoyable novels while I'm slogging through this monstrous thing". But, then I thought about it. Long and hard. I realized that reading Proust is almost like radical statement.

In today's world of quick tik tok videos, and Goodreads goals, it can feel like a rebellion to dedicate THIS much time to one novel (albeit it 7 volumes).

I can't deny that Proust makes me examine my life. I'm having a very hard year, and reading ISOLT this year has been a front seat viewing invitation to reflect on my life. My place in things.

Sure, there are so many paragraphs and pages about dinner parties, meeting with old and new friends, so many misunderstandings, and in this novel in particular the gay sex and our narrator's (total pain in the ass this guy) intense jealousy and his constant thinking Albertine is secretly in a sapphic relationship that infuriates me about him.

Nevertheless, I'm 4 volumes in, so I have to finish this damn novel no matter what.

I debated "taking a break" between the volumes, but for some reason, that doesn't seem like the right move for me. 

Initially, I didn't have a plan for finishing ISOLT within one year, but as I am entering into my 10th month of reading it, I only have 3 volumes left, a bit of time to complete them at the bedside of my loved one who is battling cancer; my life is all over the place and my anxiety is at an all time high.

Living within Proust's world, can be tightening and slightly claustrophobic, but it is also insulating and can be deeply padded from the outside world. This has created a cocoon that I have lived within. 

Although Mme. Verdurin is someone I loathed and oftentimes made me quite upset with her belief that "There are certain desires, sometimes confined to the mouth, which, as soon as we have allowed them to grow, insist upon being gratified, whatever the consequences may be;"... She was all around ridiculous honestly.

As I move onto Volume V The Captive, I'm making sure to take a few days pause, to breathe deeply and then start the next volume alongside the other classics I'm reading. 

Happy slow reading. 

Finishing The Guermantes Way: Thoughts So Far on Proust

It's always a good time for a vegan gluten-free donut

First things first, I adored this novel. 

In Search of Lost Time is the most fascinating study of human character that I've ever read.

I am NOT a literary critic, nor are any of my degrees in Literature, but as a lover of the classics, I have been truly enjoying myself while reading Proust.

I've mentioned before that I believe there is NO one way to read The Search. There is NO one way to read any of Proust.

The Search will reveal to you how it should be read. 

You may think, "I have time this weekend. I will read 6 hours of Proust on Saturday." Then, Saturday comes and you read for an hour and have the physically close the book and stare at the wall for another 45 minutes to process what just happened, or to deal with what the writing has conjured up within you.

Other times you may think, "I'll just spend an hour or so with Proust." Then, 4 hours later you emerge from the novel and feel like a completely different person.

Both approaches are VALID and valuable. I've experienced both.

If people spent half as much time actually reading or rereading Proust as they do telling others how to do it, it'd be a better bookish world. All jokes aside, I understand people's passion for Proust and their intense desire to share what has worked for them. It can come off as preachy and dictatorial, but I know it's mostly born of a fiery desire to get others to experience him.

I finished The Guermantes Way late last night and I closed the book and just sat there with my mouth agape. Marcel how dare you! 

I am not taking breaks (but for a few days) between the volumes, but I HAVE TO start Volume IV very very very soon. 

I am waiting with breath that is bated. My goodness Marcel. 

I really enjoyed The Guermantes Way. So far it's one of my favorites. Okay okay I've only read 3, but you get it. 

Thoughts on Proust so far:

1. He is hilarious. The amount of times that I have honestly laughed out loud through the 3 volumes that I've read so far, are more than I can count.
2. There is a real plot to this novel. People have said there isn't and you can't see the plot until you finish the last volume, I don't agree. You can sense plot in volume I. Perhaps I won't know exactly what Marcel is trying to say (I agree) until the novel is done, but there are real things happening to these very real people.
3. I don't need a schedule to read Proust. He dictates the speed with which I read certain parts of the novel. I love this. Being at his mercy so to speak (well, so to write).
4. Reading him feels like very akin to meditating. I sink deeply down into the work. So much so, every time I emerge from reading him for any extended length of time (45 minutes+) I have to stumble back into the world and remember my place in things.
5. I'll reread some or all of this novel repeated through my life. I know that I won't have that "beginner's eye" the next time, but that's okay. I'll be able to grasp things I may not be anchoring down right now and that's reason enough for me.
6. He's decadent. We talk about NOT holding books up against other works (just debated this yesterday with someone bookish) and I think that without comparing books, Prousts' work is in a league of its own. You can't help but stand before it in awe... to feel the sublime while reading it.
7. If Swann's Way is "boring" to you... perhaps this isn't the right time in your life for Proust. It's okay NOT to read him. I'm so glad that I waited until I was older. Until I'd really processed strife, pain, loss, grief, longing, long, despair, jealousy, loneliness... before diving into The Search.

I'm humbled by my experience so far with Proust. I've already been changing so much of how, when, and why I read, but Proust has catapulted that process to another level.

If a work is going to move and inspire me THIS much, why would I ever want to bite off works that don't nourish or feed my soul? 

Why would I want to "pass my time" with something that doesn't move me?

I mainly steer clear of the recently published and prize list stuff (with few exceptions), but at this time of year, I join others I know in reading a few holiday romance novels. I may do so this year as well, but they will be in far less quantity so that I can keep the big, meaty, intense books on my schedule forevermore.

I'm off to think about my life and start my day. 

I'm continuing on with Charlotte Brontë's Shirley and Bram Stoker's Dracula before picking up Volume IV of Proust.

Exciting times are head.

Happy reading my slow living friends. 

My Upcoming Weekend With One Read: The Guermantes Way (Volume III)

I'll be taking this weekend easy starting Saturday night. 

We have a few simple plans for Saturday, but they will take me away from home. I will be doing something I don't normally do, and focusing on ONE novel.

I'm about 100 pages into the 820 page volume, and quickly finishing it is NOT a goal of mine, but I am finding myself really enjoying that hypnotic trance like state I go into when reading Proust at night.

I've already mentioned that I loathe people telling other people how/when/why to read books with a definitive air of elitism, but it is good to listen to those who have mounted the beast that is In Search of Lost Time.

Commonly, people mention NOT reading Proust quickly.

"Quickly" is relative, but I think we get the point.. inhaling the novel is seemingly frowned upon.

The Guermantes Way (Volume III)- Vintage Classics Edition

I do love that feeling of a free set of hours and deeply going into the novel with some light classical music in my background and then emerging hours later and stumbling back into reality.

I won't let anyone tell me this isn't a great way to read Proust! I love those experiences.

I fondly remember reading Swann's Way on an airplane on the way to New Orleans. The passengers were mostly asleep and the plane was pin drop quiet.

I was so deeply immersed for those 3 hours that when the plane landed, I felt that I needed to wake up although I wasn't asleep. 

I will report back at the end of the weekend about my experience with The Guermantes Way and let y'all know if I added anything from my Autumn TBR as a concurrent read. Rarely am I working on one book at a time so this will be great.

OH... my physical editions of In Search of Lost Time may come today from the UK as well! I got the Vintage Classics edition. I am so excited. I'll be adding these 6 novels to my 25 book physical book collection. 

Here's hoping that you have the time and space to sink into a great novel this weekend.

Happy reading my slow living friends. 

Read As Much Or As Little of Proust As You Like

I have read numerous articles about how to approach Proust's In Search of Lost Time.

Now that I am into Volume III, I wanted to add something.

I honestly feel that there is NO right or wrong way to read Proust's masterpiece.

my digital copy of Volume III by Modern Library

Whether one inhales each volume and then goes back slowly through thumbing along the chapters and pulling out more of the essence. Or, whether one goes so slowly that the melodic trance like way Proust writes lulls you to sleep each night. Each is valid. Each is fine.

I believe that more people don't approach Proust (or most of the great works of literature) is because of the "this is the ONLY and RIGHT way" to do so. It excludes large groups of people, and I'd like to be a part of that change.

Rereading is a gift and I am a huge fan of returning to text that moved and inspired me. I am a fan of letting literature provide insights into the great human condition.

With that in mind, it's fine if someone spends 6 hours straight reading Swann's Way only to emerge from the text and stumble into a bright reality. It will take the person some time to adjust to the current world and that experience seems like a glorious one.

Simultaneously, I can see the benefit in the reader who after a few pages, stops to remember their childhood bedtime routine. The reader who reflects on how their mother's presence was a constant comfort at bedtime and how dismal it was to be forced to fall asleep on one's own.

Proust's great work has room for every type of reader.

I honestly believe when it comes to In Search of Lost Time a reader can

1. Read it one page or 10 pages at a time
2. Inhale it over the course of 5 hour stretches
3. Read each volume back to back
4. Reach each volume and then take a break to let it digest
5. Journal throughout in a reflective manner
6. Skip journaling and sit and contemplate each section read over coffee
7. Read it digitally or physically (I am not a fan of audio personally)
8. Do it with a group or in a solitary manner as I am doing it

There's no right or wrong way to consume this massive tome. 

This work is so powerful that readers feel the need to share how THEY read it and offer that up as THE way to read it. While some do so from an elitist "this is the absolute only way" standpoint, most just want to share the way that worked for them.

I only want to add that it's okay to ignore ALL of it- and ignore me if that helps.

Just don't stay away from this novel because of all the directives on how it is to be read.

Start with volume I- Swann's Way. 

Approach it at a time in your life when you could benefit from reflection. From "me time". From a slowing down of sorts. 

Don't expect anything. Make a cup of hot coffee. Let the text take you away. Let it help you remember what it's like to truly remember. 

As a Digital Reader, I Bought Proust in Paperback

I started my journey with In Search of Lost Time in December of 2021. I bought all of the Moncrieff, Kilmartin, Enright translations in digital form for my kindle, but I did purchase the Penguin Classics edition of Swann's Way in paperback translated by Lydia Davis. 

After reading A Budding Grove both on my kindle and some in the paperback I purchased by Modern Library, I knew that I needed the entire series in physical form.

This statement probably doesn't mean anything to most people, but as someone who only owns 25 books, adding another 6 to my collection is a big deal. 

I headed over to Book Depository and ordered the entire set from Vintage Classics. These are also the Moncrieff, Kilmartin, Enright translations.

I am anxiously awaiting their arrival.

I adore reading digitally and will defend doing so until the end of time, but there are just some novels that demand a deep savoring. Some novels that demand being marked up within an inch of their existence.

So it is with the writings slash dialogue slash philosophy that is The Search.

I'll document here my journey with In Search of Lost Time (A la recherche du temps perdu). I have been taking my time with it, but as I slow my reading down, I anticipate that I can delve more deeply into the work this Autumn and Winter.

I will photograph them and display them here as soon as they arrive hopefully by next week!

Happy reading my slow living friends.