struggling with contemporary novels

Perhaps it's the spring... that dawning of a new phase of life, or both, but I have been quitting on novels with reckless abandon lately.

While that feels freeing, it also feels like a great waste of time. 

I enjoy watching bookish content, and following book prizes (even if I don't read most of the long/short listed novels). I know that this consumption of others' opinions can make one grow more distant from their own internal taste.

always a good time for austen

I love deeply moving character narratives. I believe that it has been a long time since authors were collectively capable of writing deeply moving character portrayals AND exciting plots (see Thomas Hardy, James Baldwin, Zora Neale Hurston).

Now, it's either navel-gazey meanderings which give zero insight into the human experience, or they are formulaic wastes of time that leave me rolling my eyes, guessing every next plot point, and feeling manipulated by it all.

This not me saying one single bad thing about authors or those who love traditionally published genre fiction. I also find myself enjoying some of these novels, but not often enough. I believe the issue is that I keep watching people enjoy these books, and someone I think that if I keep trying them, I'll enjoy them. That hasn't been the case.

As I've gone back to school, I have had to make other trade offs when it comes to extraneous reading. This makes me interested ONLY in deeply moving 5 star reads. Even when I thought I would read a light romance novel, I dnfed it within 55 pages. 

It's okay... I'm organizing my "free" reads in the meantime to keep up with making time to read well. 

I am off to create my literary plate, and organize my kindle into collection so that when I am ready to read a few pages from each book, they can all be in the same place.

Great literature wins again.

snippets from letters to vera (mr. nabokov)

 Oh Mr. Nabokov.... 

Lolita was one of my favorite reads from 2023 and is on a permanent and constant re-read list for me. This is high high praise for any novel imho.

This collection of letters from Vladimir to his wife are beautiful, obsessive, inspirational and most importantly feel like praying into an intimate love. 

I'll be just typing out a few bits of letters. If you want exact locations, please feel free to look them up in the Modern Classics edition from Penguin.

modern classics cover

"I dreamt of you last night-as if I was playing the piano and you were turning the pages for me." VN to VéN, 12 January 1924

"How I wish you were saying, right now, with feeling: 'But you promised me!?...' I love you, my sun, my life, I love your eyes- closed- all the little tails of your thoughts, your stretchy vowels, your whole soul from head to heels."

"Do you know that you are my happiness? You are made entirely of tiny arrow-like movements- I love every one of them."

This will be a slow read for me. Taking my time. I will dip in and out of these letters as my mood moves me.

Happy epistolatory reading to you as well.

re-reading the days away

Nothing can make me feel excited about "romance" or "gossipy" reads like Thomas Hardy. 

Every time I want a lighter or just dysfunctional read, I reach for Thomas Hardy. I've been rereading Far From the Madding Crowd for the countless time.

I found myself DNFing book after book, and whenever that is the case, I have to pay attention to exactly what I am picking up.

I've toyed with ideas of returning to BookTube with a standard channel, and have revisited the reasons I left. They all hold up as true. I have decided to return (more later), but in a MUCH different way. 

As spring break approaches, I have a plethora of books on my currently reading schedule and I don't care about dates finished/ page counts, or any other such thing. It's all about reading books that transform and change me. Books that can be companions with cups of coffee

one of my favorites of all time

I find that the more heavy-hitting, great literature I read, the harder it is to return to lighter, contemporary works. 

It's a cold + sunny Sunday, and I am off for a slow treadmill walk while reading and planning what books will accompany me along my relaxing week's journey.

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

This is by far my favorite poem by Mary Oliver, and perhaps my favorite poem. 

It's so deeply transformative, and it does what only poetry can do... it gives voice to that thing that deeply calls to us- the power of acceptance. Read it slowly and let it sink in.

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

Rest Well Jenny ♥️

 

Oh Jenny...

Your death is a stark reminder of how short this life is. What a kind, compassionate, engaging, intelligent woman you were. Your warmth and enthusiasm for classics and history will live in the hearts of so many of us. 

You are gone, but most definitely not forgotten my dear. 

Rest well Jenny. We will miss you. ♥️ 

Virginia Woolf Made Me Keep Kindle Unlimited

I am loving this so far

 

It's rare to be spoken to from the grave, but I could hear Virginia whispering, "Either buy my diary, or keep Kindle Unlimited to finish it."

Okay, that's a stretch, but it was a late night with a decaf coffee when I realized that I like having an array of books to scroll through when the mood hits. Sure I'd love to save the money and perhaps put it towards owning a book, but I don't collect books like many others do, so that isn't a huge incentive.

Every time I think of cancelling Kindle Unlimited, something like this comes across my recommendations, and I reconsider keeping it. 

My membership expires in less than 7 days, so I will just renew it. I think the price is egregious, but I have spent money on things that mean less.

People discuss the "lack of quality" of the books on KU, but in truth, there are gems on there. Lots of nonfiction (which I love), and most all of the classics.

Thanks Virginia, I think I'll keep it for now and see exactly what you were thinking and feeling up to your death. 

mary oliver: a thousand mornings: the gardener (poetry)

 

The Gardener

Have I lived enough?

Have I loved enough?

Have I considered Right Action enough, 

have I come to any conclusion?

Have I experienced happiness with sufficient gratitude?

Have I endured loneliness with grace?

I say this, or perhaps I'm just thinking it.

Actually, I probably think too much.

Then I step out into the garden,

where the gardener, who is said to be a simple man,

is tending his children, the roses.

silent sunday : bashō

second oatmilk coffee at home

Sitting quietly,

doing nothing,

Spring comes,

and the grass grows, by itself. 

Bashō

.10 category romance between medical appointments

Late icy drive ride to the hospital for a medical appointment for my daughter. It's that time of year that just makes you feel a little bit sad.

When I am feeling too overwhelmed, I scroll through my kindle and grab one of my category romances.

This week I have extra cups of pour over with my new locally roasted single origin and read any and everything that I feel that calls to me. 

I'm having some problems sleeping and I just grab a romance or lighter read in the nighttime (Hello Barbara Pym :).

cw: anxiety, panic attacks
spoke too soon: dnf @43%
not the book- it's me i struggle
so much with contemporary fiction 

So far, I am remembering how great some authors write for Harlequin. It's so nice to have a book going that is just entertaining. I am loving it.

Off to relax after this long day. 

Classics I Want to Read in 2024

It's gearing up to be an even busier year than 2023, so I want to have a classic focus for each month and in total a baker's dozen in case things with post-grad school and caregiving go better than I anticipate.

2024

Classics I Want To Read in 2024

Not sure what happened. I read classics all year, but these few evaded me. Will reevaluate the titles. 

1. A Simple Story by Elizabeth Inchbald
2. Moby Dick by Herman Melville 
3. Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky
4. Desperate Remedies by Thomas Hardy
5. Villette by Charolette Brontë 
6. Aurora Flyod by Mary Elizabeth Braddon 
7. Deerbrook by Harriet Martineau OR
8. Story of Ivy by Marie Belloc Lowndes

Rereads For 2024

Take this list with a grain of pink himalayan salt because I oftentimes reread the SAME book twice in a year.

1. Persuasion by Jane Austen ✔️ 
2. Jane Eyre by Charolette Brontë (december)
3. Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy ✔️ 
4. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy ✔️ 
5. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky ✔️ 

Side Reads for 2024

1. Macbeth by William Shakespeare ✔️ 
2. Clarice Lispector (The Hour of the Star) (december)
3. Anita Brookner ✔️ 
4. James Baldwin (2025)
   
5. Lots of nonfiction ✔️ 

There are no rules for my reading. I just like to feel or learn something that will change or transform me. It's asking a lot from my literature, but it's my time. I can demand from authors in and out of copyright for this very thing.