poetry pause: the orchard:: mary oliver

 

stock photo 

The Orchard

I have dreamed
of accomplishment.

I have fed

ambition.

I have traded

nights of sleep

for a length of work. 

Lo, and I have discovered

how soft bloom

turns to green fruit

which turns to sweet fruit.

Lo, and I have discovered

all wins blow cold

at last,

and the leaves,

so pretty, so many,

vanish

in the great, black

packet of time,

in the great, black

packet of ambition, 

and the ripeness

of the apple 

is its downfall. 

mary oliver

life in between the pages of books: urging in autumn and taking 6 months to finish one book

 

early morning table

I have been reading Monsieur Proust for about 7 months and I just finished today. I have realized that no matter what I do, so long as I have a great book sort of sitting in the background of my life, I have something to fall back into as the world continues to spin around me. 

I have spent less time watching others' reading lives, but as the autumn inches closer I am ready to watch and possibly create some vlogs that center slowing down and sinking into stories and novels. 

This is the time of year that I re-read the exact same stories and books. It's important that I slow down and spend time with stories that I am familiar with that I love. 

As much as I don't love the lack of daylight that is coming mid-September, I can feel myself needing to slow down and the quiet, dark hours will help me with that. 

My next major read will only be the continuation of Gustave Flaubert's letters that I've been working on for 8 months. I am only about a quarter of a way through, and I am loving them, so I need to just focus on them. 

I'm off to write in my physical book journal which houses my book reviews, as I quietly reflect on this biography. I absolutely love Proust and I have been reflecting on my reading of The Search and the yearn to re-read Book One or Two... It seems to call every Fall. Maybe I'll answer it again.

Happy reading ☕️ 

photo clearly missing the coffee that is present

poetry pause: bloodbirth :: audre lorde

My habit of reading a poem a day has been so emotionally transformative. 

stock photo: autumn leaves + bench

Bloodbirth

That which is inside of me screaming

beating about for exit or entry

names the wind, wanting winds' voice

wanting winds' power

it is not my heart

and I am trying to tell this 

without art or embellishment

with bits of me flying out in all directions

screams memories old pieces of flesh

struck off like dry bark

from a felled tree, bearing 

up or out

holding or bring forth

child or demon

is this birth or exorcism or

the beginning machinery of myself

outlining recalling

my father's business- what I must be

about- my own business

minding.

Shall I split

or be cut down

by a word's complexion or the lack of 

it

and from what direction will the opening be made

to show the true face of me

lying exposed and together 

my children your children their

children

bent on our conjugating business

-Audre Lorde

source: NYTimes

Born: February 18, 1934, Harlem, New York, NY

Died: November 17, 1992 (age 58 years), Saint Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands

Intersectional feminist, poet, scholar, professor, civil rights activist

augtober- judge if you must, ready for silence

 

don't mind if i do: early morning coffee + literature

Yes, I said Augtober. I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally.

The heaviness of the world lands on deep souls in a way that leaves a residue that literature helps to alleviate. 

I can admit that I chose books over people and while some call it a pathology, I don't care and I can't hear them between the pages of my novels anyway. 

Lately, I've been writing about what I read in my book journal. I love it. It's a simple set up. Nothing fancy, and nothing truly noteworthy. Just a simple black notebook with a photo of the Mona Lisa on the cover. I downloaded and printed that cover after reading ...

loved this

I still think about this biography from time to do. Anyway, I'm still very slowly making my way through The Letters of Gustave Flaubert. I love this collection, but I am so slowly going through, though I pick it up several times per week. It's something so easy to dip in and out of when I struggle with which of my 10 current reads to pick up.

I actually found autumn creamers in the grocery store yesterday. I was so shocked to see them, but I did buy one- nondairy (of course) maple brown sugar. 

The more cozy the better for me. My soul is desperate for silence and solitude and the older I become, the more I settle into this very natural way of being for me. 

Off to cull my reading list before the true Autumn spirit descends and I start rereading everything I love.

Happy reading ☕️ 

a summer of silence and reading

It's funny how easy it is for reading to take up all of your free time. 

I am always reading 6-10 books/novels/non-fictions at one time, so it's easy to be wrapped in reading without finishing anything. Finishing reading is never my goal.

To be reading the books is the goal for me. To be in the middle of the works is always the point for me.

It's why I read and re-read poetry over and over again. 

This summer's responsibilities have me wanting desperately to slow down. Like, live even slower than I do right now. 

Struggling with how much humanity and the people I know continue to be a constant source of disappointment. Alas, Marcus Aurelius tried to warn me- I work on heeding his advice about the disappointments that await us each day we wake up. I'm sure that seems pessimesstic, and I don't mean it to be, but thank God for literature. 

brookner and coffee 

I am loving Altered States by Anita Brookner. She continues to be one of my favorite novelists. She has a way of writing into the marrow of human psychology in a way that I rarely finds consistently with other authors. 

This book has encouraged me to start writing book reviews here on the site. I can't wait to finish this one to write all about it. I've prolonged finishing it because I am really loving living with this story. It's beautifully true of human nature- but, I'll stop writing here before the review is done!

homemade latte + morning reading

Early morning finds me between the pages of multiple books + doing morning pages + drinking several lattes. Of course I wanted the summer to be filled with finishing off a few novels, getting "things" done, etc, but instead, I rested more- slept more- exhaled deeper.

I have a stack of novels bedside that I'd love to work through this month. I may create a TBR in order to organize this sporadic & chaotic reading. I'd at least help me to curate a finishable list of books.

There are 3 weeks left in August and whether the temperature is 80 or 60 degrees, I consider September 1st as the ramp into Autumn and nothing can change my mind- therefore, I want to have a clean Autumn reading slate.

I'm extremely interested in reading my physical library though I always have multiple ebooks going between my old kindle and my new kobo- but I love seeing my physical TBR shrink a little. I have no intention of a book buying ban, but I am being intentional about every purchase which has made me "wait 72 hours" before purchasing new books which more often than not means I won't purchase it.

non-dairy creamsicle matcha + iced coffee

So as this silent summer starts to wrap up, I am intent on continuing to practice learning the two poems I've committed to learning this year, recreating a TBR to wrangle in my reading, reading in bubble baths, and writing poetry and short prose.

Wishing you a calm end to the summer season (yes I know it's early) and happy reading. ☕️ 

poety pause: Of Goodness :: mary oliver

 

© Rachel Giese Brown

Of Goodness

How good

that the clouds travel, as they do,

like the long dresses of the angels

of our imagination,

or gather in storm masses, then break

with their gifts of replenishment,

and how good

that the trees shelter the patient birds

in their thick leaves,

and how good that in the field

the next morning

red bird frolics again, his throat full of song,

and how good

that the dark ponds, refreshed,

are holding the white cups of the lilies

so that each is an eye that can look upward,

and how good that the little blue-winged teal

comes paddling among them, as cheerful as ever,

and so on, and so on.

-Mary Oliver

early june: books on books on books + coffee

a few from the current 10 reads

Coffee. Read. Write. Repeat.

Life has been bearing down on me and the current news cycle is enough to induce psychosis. You can find me for the next month hiding in between new and favorite old re-reads.

Television has been particularly uninteresting, and I'm just rewatching favorite shows when my brain can't take anymore information in.

Social media has felt like a site of dystopian reality as people seem to be going through life unscathed while I'm aware of so many who are struggling to exist- the juxtaposition is jarring- and unnerving. I'm doing all I can to keep my heart close to the source of truth (genocide, sadness, unjust policies affecting the lives of so many, etc.), and maintaining "balance" and sanity.

To that end... I have a stack of 10 current reads because any less and I feel bored and like something is missing (I can thank my overactive limbic system for this).

The coffee has been flowing. Perhaps a tad bit too much, perhaps I don't care. A new light roast has been my favorite with notes of strawberry and nutmeg. Poured over. Always black. Always first thing.

I am someone who has ignored the "don't drink coffee first thing and definitely not on an empty stomach". 

I happily sip my organic direct-trade bean juice within 15 minutes of daily consciousness without a morsel of vegan gluten-free food in sight. Alas, I'm surviving.

I won't let every single good thing be taken from me in this godforsaken life, but I digress.

What I'm reading is feeding a part of my soul- the tall order I ask of my literature- and I think I'll return to reviewing books here on this blog. I have so much to say about my current reads and I do write physical reviews for myself, but in hopes of inspiring someone to read these, I must share reviews here.

It's Saturday morning and I've had my coffee, journaled, read a poem (I read one poem per morning everyday), and am off to plan a quiet, literary day and choose a movie to watch tonight with my mom and daughter. 

Easy does it is today's motto. 

I hope you can find your way into a few chapters to escape the hell that is raining down globally or to merely find rest for your soul.

Chat soon ☕️ Happy reading. 

currently reading page

I added a current reads page to the banner of my site.

I don't always update what I'm reading here on the blog because I read so many books simultaneously and it can feel redundant to add the same photos, but this way I can just do it in one place.

Find it here: Currently Reading Page 

as shown on the site

I've been having a hard time, and haven't made much time for fiction reading. I realize that has aided in my overhwhelm.

Currently reading a few fiction books sprinkled in and my heart is already at ease.

One of my most anticipated reads of 2026 is on my list now and I am loving it. I adore In Search of Lost Time and this biography by Proust's housekeeper has allowed me to enter a world previously unknown to me. I just love it.

loveeeeeee this so far

I'm off to start a busy week and hope to get off on a good foot.

Wishing you a coffee-filled, slow-living sort of start to this Monday.

Happy reading ☕️ 

busy, rereading, making coffee, and poetry

Of course the compulsion to read lives in my bones, but with graduate school work (mid-life student), and all my caregiving duties, I find myself incapable to reaching for the 10 novels/books I am working on. 

Poetry always eases me back into the written work, and I sometimes read and re-read the same poem for 15 minutes deciding how it will land and live in me.

morning cup and reading

I don't spend too much time editing posts or editing my life. 

This is the reality.

Caregiving is hard. Going back to school again in mid-life is hard. America is hard to live in right now.

This combination makes me yearn for re-reads. Familiar stories. Books that I can pick up, or turn on audio and know that meeting these characters again soothes my heart.

I don't use Goodreads... or Storygraph.... I do feel quite isolated in my reading life and may return to BookTube to rectify that, but for now I let myself swim between the pages of books I adore and new stories that don't feel like a waste of my limited reading time. 

I do have a feeling I'll emerge from this intensely focused time in my life with a renewed sense on all things, but for now, my head is down...  I'm chipping away at small and large goals, and finding comfort in the chapters that have carried me before.

Books/Collections/Stories I return to over and over:

1. Giovanni's Room
2. Anna Karenina
3. Anything by Mary Oliver
4. Everything by Audre Lore
5. Pride and Prejudice
6. Jane Eyre
7. Anything Doestoevsky
8. Toni Morrison's Sula
9. BBC Radio Adaptations of my favorite classics

Now, let me go and make another light roast pour over, and get started on my school work.

If Spring is finding you floundering... ignore all of the pressure to perform and live through great works of literature. 

I'll meet you there.

Happy reading ☕️ 

poetry pause:: audre lorde: black unicorn

I love poetry and Audre Lorde will be my focus of the year. I read and reread this poem several times a week.

source: disability history snapshots

The Black Unicorn

The black unicorn is greedy.

The black unicorn is impatient.

The black unicorn was mistaken

for a shadow

or symbol

and taken

through a cold country

where mist painted mockeries

of my fury.

It is not on her lap where the horn rests

but deep in her moonpit

growing.

The black unicorn is restless

the black unicorn is unrelenting

the black unicorn is not

free.